I understand the desire to try and save your marriage.
It seems to me that you are behaving in the classic battered spouse manner. From what little I know from your writings here, you need to take one of two positions. Either you get a restraining order, stay in the house, and get a divorce, or you get a restraining order, get out of the house, and get the divorce.
He is dangerous because he is lacking in control. You need to look out for your own safety and that of the kids. You lose nothing by moving out. You don't lose anything. In my opinion, your husband's behavior needs to come to the attention of his superiors at work.
On July 31, you posted that he showed up in the middle of the night standing in your bedroom and wanting sex. You really need to open your eyes here ladybug. You are the obstacle standing between this violent person with only a modicum of self-control.
Violence is not only physical. The verbal assaults and the intimidation are as much violence as if he was slapping you around.
That's my advice and based on the previous incident and his claim that he's been hurting for 8 years, DBing isn't going to change anything right now.
