I have to say I agree with Daisy. He seems to react better after a period of recovery from a big interaction with you. I would just let him digest the past few days. I think you should save it, you can always say that you wrote it for Yom Kippur but saved it till you thought it was the right time to give it to him.
Can I just say that you did/ are doing sooooo well.
I also agree with Daisy & Julia - Just send the dates email as he has asked for this. This is a very crazy period as your H is obviously very confused as to what he wants. All I can offer is to keep positive no matter what.
Keep your PMA and be strong. I know the two weeks feels like an ultimatum to you right now but you are thinking of it negatively...think of it as a positive...think of how you can use this time to prove him wrong. Prove to him that you are not "controlling" and that he can have a good time with you and feel happy around you.
JCJ you really think I'm doing well? I did SO much backsliding yesterday!
OK so I don't write a really personal Yom Kippur email...I get the reasoning behind that. Just too bad as in a way the timing is perfect especially with him forwarding something on it to me today.
So even in terms of the dates, there will have to be more discussion around them I'm afraid. Is there any way that I can sort of combine the 2 things into one? Here's a potential draft. I know it seems way too long. The purpose is to avoid an in-person R talk and just get it all out on the table here. Please let me know thoughts. I spent an hour trying to shorten it...Just as explanation, in the first paragraph I mention the test because last time he was out until 3 and I freaked out, here trying to show I am cool with it. 2nd paragraph says I like the guy who is staying in the house, that he reminds me of H's cousin--always a good topic. Alright I know it needs work so feel free to get out the 2X4s...:
Hi, I checked with corporate housing; I need to leave Wroclaw by Thursday, October 16th. With your test then, probably won’t see you until the wee hours of the morning :).
Thanks for being flexible about trialing living together. I appreciate that you’re making a concession. I can stay some nights at a friend’s house to try and make things less stressful for both of us at the beginning, depending on how we are both feeling. I want you to feel comfortable. (On the house note, I like being around F. He reminds me of JL.)
I understand how you are feeling now, and I know you can make your own decisions. I’d prefer to enjoy my time with you seeing if we can be comfortable together as friends and roommates than to constantly discuss whether the relationship is working, get counselling etc. I understand that you are working on yourself. I like the person you are becoming, and this brings a new dynamic. Maybe we will see that we can be happy together as the new people that we are, maybe we will not. I don’t know. Time will tell. I’m happy for us to do our own things, and if you want to share activities with me, I’d love to take your lead. We share pets etc., but this doesn’t mean giving up independence. I am fine with this. I think it’s exciting, a new and probably better way to do things. You’re not stringing me along; I appreciate your concern for my feelings. I am also concerned for yours. I’m making a very well-informed decision to remain in a situation with no guarantees, like any situation. I understand that there are many possibilities for how this thing could play out, many of them not good. Things could change dramatically for better or for worse at any time. I know that we are both taking risks. On another note, I’ve been reading a lot about Yom Kippur (thanks for your email on this), and on the eve of Yom Kippur, I’d like to apologize to you for everything that I have done that has hurt you, and also take full responsibility for the situation we are in today. I deeply regret causing you any pain and I sincerely ask for your forgiveness. I understand the right greeting here is, may you be inscribed and sealed for a great year. (Hope I got that right) Thanks for reading my novel; no response needed.
-ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Thanks for being flexible about trialing living together. I appreciate that you’re making a concession. I can stay some nights at a friend’s house to try and make things less stressful for both of us at the beginning, depending on how we are both feeling. I want you to feel comfortable. (On the house note, I like being around F. He reminds me of JL.)
This paragraph I think should be re-worded somehow. I think you should take out that he is making a concession, it almost sounds like he is backing down and you don't want to put that thought in his head. How about something like....
"I am looking forward to the two weeks and have even discussed staying with a friend a few of the days in order for us to get some space. By the way I was meaning to tell you that F is really cool(**what ever word would be appropriate for you) and kinda reminds me of JL."
The rest does seem good, you are validating and it is not too long. You got your point across also about having to leave Poland.
You have one week to prep yourself. You are going to have to be happy happy happy!! LoL Even if he says something stupid or hurtful you will act your butt off like nothing phases you and validate!!! I have a feeling you are going to do great proving him wrong!!!
