Today is better ... I saw my C and went to my first support group here locally.. you should all go on http://www.beyondaffairs.com and see if they have a group in your city... so I feel lifted.
If I ever contact the other women I do want it to be when I'm at a place of peace... not anger.. and probably when I know in my heart it is over I will do it then b/c it will make my H mad and both of them probably pull together if I did it now. I found pictures of them this weekend on his computer so now I have a visual.. not sure if that is good or bad.. she is 25 yrs old and looks like it.. cute but not mature.
My H and I talked briefly yesterday, he seemed so angry and depressed. He made comments like "you know we aren't going to work" I had asked him at some point I would want the truth .. that the truth would set me free... he rattled off some more of the "not in love with you" .. didn't like you telling me what to do or all the questions... so I discussed this with my C b/c either way I have to co-parent with this man and he can't even talk to me somedays... I know it is his depression. So I'm going to continue to work on my 180's and watch how I ask questions, not say things that might seem as if I'm telling him what to do etc... I only believe half of what he says... but I wanted some info so I could make sure I'm doing my 180's and "as if"
I had my support group meeting last night and he is asking all these questions and I was just vague.. he seems depressed. So I keep telling myself that if he was so sure what he was doing was right, he'd have already found an appartment, he would be telling everyone we are separated, he wouldn't walk around sad and depressed or angry.. one minute crying then one minute stand offish..... he is not in a healthy place right now. I'm being friendly and nice, trying to still talk his love language when I can and just doing my 180's and acting as if I'm moving on....
I actually feel sad for him at times as he isn't reaching out to anyone and I have the support of you guys, my friends, and C to help me....
His birthday is Friday and he leaves town Friday... so we were going to do something Thursday evening ... we'll see how that goes... no R talks or OW talks...
hang in there
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
