LADYBUG trying to detatch..but doesn't know how.

[ms ladybug]

H made it clear to me yesterday that he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to see me or deal with me. He told me again that I better pack my sh!t and get out. He wants me to move THIS WEEKEND. He wants me completely out of his life...

Then, last night me calls and says he's looking for a certain pair of pants and will I look to see if I have them. He's still very angry and very short with me on the phone. I look and tell him the pants are not here. He says, "never mind. I'm coming over to look later." Great.
He comes over while I'm in the shower...and guess who decides to get in the shower with me? I'm not kidding you. I didn't even realize he was there until he opens the shower curtain, completely naked, and steps in. So, he stands there in the shower, crosses his arms and says, "You want to talk to me? Go."
Well, shoot, a little preparaion would have been nice. So, I tell him that I understand about the house, and about the divorce and what this marriage has come to. I tell him that I never wanted it this way and that I wish we had a way to talk without the anger. I told him that there is a huge wall between us, and I don't see how to take it down.
He proceeds to tell me that ALL of this is my fault. We're getting a divorce because of ME. His hurtful words and verbal abuse was because of ME. He asks me why I don't try to work on the relationship, and I told him that I couldn't risk him not changing, and this pain happening all over again. I told him that the pain of this last year has been too much to ever go through again. He says to me...get this..."you've been hurting this past year? I'VE been hurting for the past 8 yrs. YOU OWE ME!"

Yes folks, I owe HIM. He's been verbally abusive for at least the past 5yrs. He's said things to me that I wouldn't say to my enemies. He's told me I'm useless. He's told me I'm a b!tch, a (c word) and more. He told me I'm an irresponsible mother, and that I was a mistake. But, now I owe HIM??

I don't even know now where his heart is. I know that I'm taking care of my kids and myself and that I'm trusing in God for my future.

Talking completely naked to someone really makes you able to lay it all out.