Expose the affair or not!?!?

[saffie]

I took Theo's nuclear option and it worked for me.

There was already partial exposure as my H's staff knew about the A as he was having it with one of his employee's. Family and friends didn't really know. My H had told one friend the day before I knew about it but that was all. My H was surprised by the reaction of others when exposure took place but neither of us was shunned. We were very lucky that people were supportive of both of us once they knew our intentions.

I think that shunning takes place when others feel embarrassed by the situation and don't know how to react....so they walk away.It's the safer option than put their foot in it or be expected to take sides. We were very clear with our friends that whatever the outcome our friends meant a lot to us and we were NOT going to ask them to take sides. Luckily, as we reconciled, we never really had to test that resolve.

Personally, I could not have lived with pretending to others that everything was ok when it wasn't. I was never in the position that I had to do that with my H as he was the one to tell me he had been having an A. Also, I think an important factor was that the A had been going on for 18 months when he told me about it....so the shine had worn off a bit.