I guess it's over

[Trixi]

He's vague and superficial and blaming. I've been reading stuff on men and women and one of the more controversial ideas I think I agree with is that the man leads. If he leads with compassion and strength and in such a way that the woman doesn't have to mother him, then all will be fine.

Actually, I agree with you. But it is a VERY fine line. I think, for me, I want a true partnership where EACH person is taken into consideration and a mutually beneficial life is created.

By all means learn Italian. I know Italian...great language. Very easy to pronounce although verb conjugations is a pain in the *ss.

My biggest beef with Spanish is the trilling the r's. I hope there is no trilling in Italian.
Spanish was fine, but there is just *something* about Italian. It just 'sounds' so much better to me. More romantic..Passionate.

you did your "I know you'll be back" thing. worst thing you could possibly have said.
One of these times, he'll not come back, just to spite you and prove you wrong about that.
You ARE wrong about it; he will not always come back.

Yes, in retrospect I wish I would have held my tongue on that one.
No way to unring that bell, so I will have to just say "if he wants to come back and doesn't just to "prove" something to me; then he must not have wanted to come enough."

Besides- Do I really want him back? Not if he is going to act like he has been. Do I *really* want to constantly be walking on eggshells, worried about what is coming down the pike?
He would need to treat me in a very different way and "proving me wrong" is not part of it. The way he's been treating me recently could definitely that sort of "I'll show you" component; if that is all he has to offer, I am NOT interested.

Conversing with my XBF has actually opened my eyes. (And not how you think.) He is coming on SO strong that I think I am getting a glimpse of how my H felt. My frame of mind right now is to survive this and maybe, MAYBE, go out on some non-threatening dates. Nothing serious; nothing leading anywhere. Just get out and do stuff; keep things light and fun. VERY LIGHT.
XBF is talking about how he has always loved me; learned what he needed to learn; I'm 'the one'; he's so gah gah right now, he is talking about marrying me. I did tell him he needs to BACK OFF. That he is freaking me out and that I still have no idea where I am going to end up. That I need time to heal. And I am thinking that maybe w/xbf, it is the same as how my H feels about me- too much, too late.
In my mind, it seems like it would just be so much easier to start from scratch. Not have to "rebuild" anything. I don't "feel" strongly about the xbf anymore. Sure, I care about him, but..well, we all know the rest of the sentence. And he is thinking so much about a possible future with me--while I am thinking that maybe I can meet a man that won't hurt me.

But like I said before, my first "goal" is to survive this process. Whatever it is. In the middle of the night, I am waking up with my heart beating out of my chest. I do NOT want a D. But if I am going to move on, I will need to get one.