What I am trying to decide at this point is, how much has really changed since I started on here. On the surface, it would appear, a lot has changed...
1)H is living in our home, no talk of D, sleeping in our bed
2)H has ceased all contact w/OW and says she has not contacted him in at least 6 weeks
3)H is going to Retro classes with me and dialoguing some of the time to try and strengthen our marriage
4)H is open to going out on dates with me, spending time with me
BUT here is what is the same...
1)H says he is still "trying", "working on it", etc. Which to me is different than saying "I am 100% committed to our marriage.
2)H says my views I have shared with him that love and marriage are forever, that you can love and support and commit yourself entirely to the other person as a CHOICE, and CHOOSE to forgive/let go/move on from a negative past relationship experience, is "unrealistic", and that I have a "rose-colored glasses view" of things
3)H is willing to go on dates, spend time with me, be close, but he has NEVER initiated this since we got back together. In other words, if I ask him out and get a sitter, we spend time together. If I don't, we don't. If I approach him with kisses, hugs, etc, we have them. If I don't, we don't. He doesn't reject my advances, but he doesn't make any advances except an occasional attempt to ML which is usually b/c i have rolled up to him and kissed him or rubbed his back first....
SOOOOOOOOO, with objective eyes, is this working? What should be different? I am tempted to just back off entirely and initiate no physical exchanges or dates, time together, etc., and just see what H does. But then I wonder if he will take that to mean I am not interested anymore...hmm...
This morning I sent him a Text saying to let me know if he has time or interest in dialoguing this week, that i know he is busy up in canada so I will leave it up to him...I did that b/c if I asked every night he might do it on occasion, if I didn't mention it all week and then complained that it didn't happen, he would say I should have spoken up if I wanted to dialogue. This way I am putting it on him to make the choice and I am backing off.
Piecers, and my friends who have been here for 10 months with me, what do you see when you look at my current situation?? Curious......
