I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

And fyi I'm sitting at the pool right now in Valencia, and there are so many businessmen who could be interested/interesting. I'm feeling a little angry right now.

H has forwarded some email on Yom Kippur, which is sort of good as it's a good segue into my please forgive me email tomorrow, if I decide to send it...if so I can say I saw his email and it got me thinking.

Still wondering on my next move. At this point there needs to be one unless H makes one very quickly. He has been really annoyed at me for not sending dates through for things like me leaving Poland.I said I'd send him through dates before leaving Valencia. I think the dates are going to freak him out a bit, as I am coming back next week. He has already agreed to me staying next Monday, BTW.

So here are my choices as I see them-I send an email with the dates, in which case I'm obligated to talk about the living together sitch. I send the Yom Kippur email, and hope this softens him before my dates email. Basically both emails are heavy. One sort of needs to ask for things re.living together, and the other brings up emotional issues which either could be great, or could overwhelm him. My fear is that by asking for forgiveness, he thinks I am weak and/or that I have not listened to him about maybe not wanting to be married, and that me apologizing for relationship stuff is at best irrelevant. Without sending it, then I am sending the dates email, which is by default touchy, with nothing to soften the blow.

Of course the best thing would be H making a nice gesture by tomorrow so that I don't have to make any. I don't think a forwarded email counts...feeling confused still. Yesterday was overwhelming and I don't know what to believe these days!

ITH