In my situation I drove 5 hours to "catch" H with OW in his hotel room on a supposed business trip, which he charged to his company. (I think he saw clients on the Friday but planned to stay all weekend w/OW a the hotel).
The result was OW went back home and told her H and he filed for divorce. This is what she wanted all along, to get out of her marriage and be more available for H.
H called his parents and sisters and told them "before I could tell them" which I hadn't planned on doing.
In some ways it was better b/c I didn't have to fake that things were great in front of H's family. In some it was worse b/c OW was freed up to spend even more time w/H. Her ex-H had her son 1/2 the time so she didn't even have to get a sitter, which made her much more available for fun nights out than I was.
However, I learned from experience that trying to plan things, activities, etc. to keep H "away" from her was pointless. If they want to find time together, they will. And if they want to be close, they will. They may blame you exposing the A for their bonding closer, but that is crap. They want to be closer and use anything you do to make it happen and blame you.
I personally felt better after exposing H b/c I knew I wasn't "Crazy", my suspicions were well founded. And H couldn't pretend to be the wounded party anymore, which he used to "disappear" previously.
I think exposing can be a good thing. I just chose not to expose to his friends or mine b/c I wanted to be able to have a social life without always talking about my Marriage. I only told H and OW that I knew, and then H told his family so I had to tell mine. (Immediate family/parents only, no extended relatives needed to know, IMO).
Good luck with your decision.
I just got to the point where I felt pathetic hugging and kissing H and welcoming him home if I knew he had just been with OW.
