Don't over analyze. I do the same thing. You work yourself up emotionally and it turns out most of the time it is not as bad as I thought it would be. You said the other night:
"I went out for a bit with some friends last night. It was the first time in 22 months, that H didn't cross my mind, and I didn't feel lonely or out of place. I relaxed and enjoyed myself. I think I am finally coming to terms with the inevitable. And that is ok. God will steer me in the direction I am to go; and for now I am finding peace with this decision. "
Your strength over the past couple of weeks has been inspirational to me. It has been the light that I have used to find my way down my long dark tunnel. This rollercoaster is just another ride you have gotten on and this ride will end as well. You have the strength to make it through this. GET UP ONE MORE TIME THAN YOU GET KNOCK DOWN.
I hope that this is not what you think it is, but if it is. Stand up straight look him in the eye and Say I am a Better Person and You will not take me down! Stay strong, be brave, STAY THE COURSE, it's not over yet. You still have time. Isn't that what everyone says around here? There is always time to make deference. Don't let H rule over you. Take command of your own self.
You are a winner! Winners don't give up. Real winners work harder, when the question of winning is in doubt.
Hang in there! Keep the faith! We are here for you.
