Acting "As If"

[RedHeadWife]

I'm pretty much a mess right now. I feel like the person I was way back pre-bomb. Miserable in my M and w/ myself. I keep telling myself I am going to end up pushing H away again. I keep trying to remember how I felt during the whole D sitch. I certainly don't want to be back there again and would have to face the fact that this time it really would be my fault b/c I know better. I keep trying to picture H how I saw him during the D sitch. I couldn't believe I was about to lose him and now I have absolutely no SD again, almost feeling myself the ILYBNILWY crap.

I know I need to start acting "as if" I am the happiest woman in the world. I really should be actually -- I have a great H and 3 great little boys, but yet I feel pretty much angry & depressed all the time.

I wake up every morning telling myself that I'm going to turn myself & my attitude around, but then the day turns out just the same as yesterday.