You're riding out a storm TOH. You do realize that, right?

MWG is one of your better guides here, because I see you being in much the same situation that she is in. She's just further along in knowing how best to deal with it.

I don't see you being ready to throw in the towel. I DO see you just now beginning to get a bit weary of the battle. When we get weary, that's a sign we need some rest, not a sign that we're ready to quit.

You have long ago decided that you were standing for your marriage until your husband came to his senses. If that is your stance, then walk the talk. Your husband is doing nothing different from any of the myriad walk away spouses on this board. Even his lines are not unique.

Can he be so cold that he has lost his love for you? Come on TOH, that's a beginners question that you should already know the answer to. He THINKS he has lost his love for you. He honestly does think that. The truth is that he's just LOST. He doesn't have any idea what the problem is, he just knows there's a problem. He's figured awhile back that the marriage must be a big part of it, so it's been the scapegoat.

You are doing very much what MWG does. You are providing him with a safe place to land. You are allowing him access to his home. You are reminding him of what YOU bring to the table through meals, help, companionship. Your goal should be for him to see the good side of life with TOH. You should be keeping pressure low and your welcoming nature strong.

In for a penny, in for a pound I say. While I could not do what you are doing, I can appreciate that you are doing it. And I say if you're taking that approach, do it right. Stop the fussing and pressure. Welcome him. Being loving towards him. You don't have to put up with poor behavior, but that's as simple as asking him to leave and give you a break. You can be kind but firm, and still manage to establish some boundaries that keep you from experiencing any more pain than you have to.

Your husband is still a work in progress.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."