Sandi & Tgone, thanks for your support. As for what I expected, I don't really know. I know I shouldn't have contacrted her, but my emotions took control. I went off on her mother about her last night. Just venting. didn't say anything bad, just tired of hearing how hurt she is, how depressewd she is and whatever. My D finally talked to her mother and for the first time her mother finally opened up to her. Apparently yesterday was bad for her. she broke down a couple of times. She has told her closest friend that she needs to get rid of distractions so she can think clearly. Everyone supporta the don't do it for her mentallity. Again, this thing with the brakes is curious and extremely odd. No one can understand it. same as her showing up Saturday night. there is a feeling that her OM and the feelings there are subsiding. I seriously believe my being dark, my mini bomb last week, her mother getting in her face with some reality, her finances and all are contributing to her possibly looking inward.
Sandi, your words are very strong to me and trust me i listen to everyone on this board and the friends of mine that went throguh it. I am not watching the door for her when I am dark, but when I am around her, it takes a day or two to reclaim myself. I would have een better if I hadn't seen her this weekend, trust me. Sandi, as I told you I am strong with going dark and the not believing anything she says mentallity. I have started reading the book. I hope to fininsh it tonight so I can start reading it again. If she is truly starting to look inward, I believe it is due to some of the DBng I have been doing. I am 85% in the doing it.
I don't want to be a doormat, I am getting mad and angry about the fact that now she is talking to people like she is the victim. told her mother that I know she is blaming me for everything, and I am ok with that. I told her that she is confused and really doesn't know who she is anymore, and I understand that. but I also told her that at some point I believe she wil be back, but she is creating a situation with me and our kids that is getting worse. I think she is starting to turn, but I need now, more than before to stick to my guns, become invisible. This brake job is something to her, I don;t know what, but it is. It means something to her! Everyone keeps asking me why she needs me to do them, I don't know. Her brother or the OM wuld have done it by now, why wait for me. I blew her off hoping she'd go that route, but nope, when you can please....
Her girlfriend had told me back in August, that she didn't see my W coming back at that point, but give her time and she will, she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She also told me that the holidays are coming, and my W had confided in her all the great times and memories of holidays she had with me. Her girlfriend told me that is in my favor. she believes if I gave her tme, which I have, that she may be back for the holidays because its too emotional and she will need someone there.
My problem about GAl is this, I am everything to everyone, except me. I am busty with house projects, dealing with my end of season campsite, bills and getting things under control. these do keep me busy, but, everything is work work work....
I don't have any real downtime...I have been to the gym once in 2 weeks. I can't focus on myself because I have to deal with everything else. Part of memissing her is the help we gave each other so we could get through these things and each of us wuld gain some down time. I am bitter about that. I don't have much longer before these projects are complete. My deadline I have given myself is the end of October, hopefully I survive.
I gained a lot of strength this morning reading both of your posts, talking with my D about her talk with her mother and my talk with my MIL. Everything sounds psitive, everything may inally be in motion. Again, not saying her actions will bringher to me, but actions are in place. I believe y actions had a lot to do with it. I put some erious reality in her face about health ins, and the whole "married?" text I sent n reposnce to her voicemail. I believe my actions have caused this. In reading the book and I haven't got that far supports the fact that my actions are causing reactions. I have to say I am excited. I believe she didn't hang out after the wedding because of my mini bomb form last Thursday, I believe it. I believe the DR advice is working and I am only 1/3 thru the book. Sandi I do not know what dropping the rope means from the book yet, based on my readings here, I think I do. Me telling her to get her own health ins, seperating the car ins and seperating myself from her (detaching) are all having positive effects on her. I will keep you posted on my actions and any subsequent reactions. I have alot to do over the next week or two as far as my projects, goals and deadlines...If she is truly turning inward, and I hope it is true, then I know her, she will not be long in knowing where she needs to go and be. My hard line is having an effect and I think it makes her nervous. Keep in touch, God bless everyone that has replied to me and my posts, I know now that things are working, not just for her but for me. My attitude is stronger, my breakdowns are far less. Still want to grab her and hold her and kiss her in hopes of breaking the evil spell. I believe the only way she will come back to me is if I am more than she ever saw before, and i think I am on my way.
