No, my kids really don't have much of a say in if they are involved with her; they are just too young. And I think she will bend over backwards to be nice to them, if for no other reason than to look better than me.
D told me that he can call the house "theirs" on the 24th. He will move in first, and her and her kids "not for a while." I assume not before her divorce is final, if for no other reason than alimony purposes.
I guess I am just looking at all this, thinking I can't believe that this is the way it all ends. Not a glance back, not a second thought....nothing. He got the idea in his head and went full speed ahead, without a second thought back. In fact, any thoughts he might have had were squashed by his self-validations and rewriting history.
It makes me so sad that I mattered so little to him. That he can just walk away from 22 years.
I was one of those people that Gigi wrote about, who thinks that if they just follow all the steps, they can really stop a divorce. That there is something that we can do.
As much as I am happy to discover and learn about myself, I can't help but be sad that we weren't able to do that together. I do understand the mistakes that I made, and am working hard on them....I just don't think I will ever understand how I was too late...I don't understand how you walk away without giving the person you made a commitment to, a chance.
******* I had a long meeting with my student teacher and the first-year teacher that I am mentoring after school today. They are both so young (23), just at the start of their lives. They live with their parents but are trying to save and get out into the world on their own. They are focused on their careers, on their friends and family....I wish I could be them, some days, with my whole life before me like that. I would definitely start saving right away (just told them today about the power of compound interest). They put their love lives on hold--too much a distraction for them right now.
I got home, picked up the kids and got McD's for dinner (I was home about an hour later than I planned on, and S had scouts). D and I went out to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua together - very cute movie.
My babes are tucked into their own beds, and here I am, wondering (or lamenting) how my life turned out this way.
Donna, these thoughts enter my mind also. All the time. They are like flashes/short dream sequences throughout the day. IMO our spouses are sick, they are quitters. YOU and I deserve better. hang in there.
