Refuse To Lose, Part XI: Clock is Ticking

[nutfarmer]

I know it's expensive Rob, but let your L handle the negotiation. That woman is only worried about herself. She doesn't care if you're happy; she has proved that over and over. While she is making nice with you, her lawyer is probably preparing another bomb.

Divorce lawyers work out payment plans all the time, because this is what happens in divorce--BTDT. He'll be flexible as long as you pay him according to whatever agreement you come up with.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Nut

[smith18]

Rob,

I like that you and Ex were talking about the future parenting time and having some flexibility. However, I think any near future talks that you and your Ex have, both of you should agree to not bring up the past. All it does is open old wounds and then your conversation goes off on the wrong tangent.

Bizarre,

To start a new thread, click on the forum that you want to start the thread in. Newcomers will get you the most responses. At the top of all the threads in a forum, you will see a "New Topic" - click that and you can create your thread. The hardest part is coming up with a subject name. Your's might be "Husband in Affair with Computer".

[smith18]

I think it would be great if congress could also put in some divorce financial relief into their Wall Street bailout plan. Likewise, I spent too much money on vacation this year and need the government to help get me back to my pre vacation level.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Rob...well, you sound better. I agree about Grace in fact, if you arent in her life 24/7 she will miss you terribly and you will rise up in her mind as this huge important thing, thats how kids are (I see my BFF D do it to her absent father, but thats through his choice, sadly).

I was amazed at the convo with her...why did she ASSUME you would be alone and sad at Christmas !!?? She left you, for all she knows, you could be happily remarried by Xmas! I thought that was a very strange thing for her to have said. Are you still getting coached by Jody BTW?

Also, she actually said she was behaving like X becuase people had told her (or the L?) to let hte L handle things and not deal with you. Thats crazy! She is a grown woman! I thikn she wlll look bacl on this time and regret her behaviour and think, what the hell was all that about?? I hope she will anyway.

She also expressed concern for you, perhaps there is a little softening, now that she has got what she wants.. it remains to be seen if she really has though, hey.

Al xxx

[AliSuddenly]

And talking of Grace, heres one of my all time favourite songs, in honour of your beautiful D.. you should like this one, being a guitar music fan...Grace by Supergrass

Al xxx

Rob,
The courts in all their wisdom always do the same thing. Just get it over with, and get the two fighting parties to agree. Who ever fights harder and dirtier or has more money wins. They never make it so the children will have the same life if the parents stayed together. Your financial loss is also your D's and your W will always have this on her mind. Ten grand in legal fees that could have been used for your D's education. Don't trust a word this woman says, remember she accused you of rape and child abuse. Get this behind you and try to find a good person to share your life with.This may not be the life you envisioned but it is the one you have been handed, make the best of it. My middle daughter, 27, is engaged to a man who is divorced, no kids. They were married under a year but she still makes his life miserable whenever she can. He is a good person, who believed in her. also financially devastating him. All though, he is a different religion, a bit older, we still support him. A few months after the divorce, he met my daughter by mistake and apparently they have both found the love of their lives. So take heart, this will all pass.

[RefuseToLose]

Hey everyone! Thanks for checking on me over the past few days. I had Grace all weekend then today was the day I signed off on my marriage. Thus, I'm officially divorced. I really don't know how I feel about it, but I'm not doing cartwheels over this.

I guess I still never wanted it, but I can't run a two-man race by myself, so it was what had to happen. We still have to settle our pensions and I'm not going to take a deal here. I have a non-guaranteed pension from the Catholic Church and she has a guaranteed pension from the state. I'm pretty sure hers will be worth much, much more than mine will be, so I may end up getting some decent money out of her after all.

So, I'm a bit down and a bit sad by it all I guess. At the 11th hour, she decided to split up our two dogs - brothers from litters one year apart - and thus they'll be apart from each other for the first time in 6 years. That too breaks my heart. I have to give up one of my only real life friends and companions over the past 8 months. That is gut-wrenching to me.

Today, I couldn't even look at her. It wasn't out of anger however, as I'm not mad at her. But, I just couldn't bear to look at her. I'm not sure why, but when all was over, her L came over and shook my hand and said "good luck to you" - I wanted to tell him to go F himself, but restrained - and XW shook the hand of my L. I just looked at her, nodded and left. Didn't say a word. Didn't want to. Didn't know what to say, do, or act.

I did cry a bit as I was walking to my car, but it was a very short period of grief. I guess it is normal of sorts as I know this will bring peace to my life in time, but it is still so sad to have chosen poorly. I never dreamed I'd ever be close to here, but this is my reality. I guess that is what hurts - the little family I once had is now officially gone.

I know there will be better days ahead, but that still doesn't make today any easier. It will be better in time - you've all told me that, so I believe it - but there is something about this particular day - the day I'm "divorced" - that isn't a day of happiness. It is just plain sad all the way around.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm tired and I'm broken right now, so my body needs to rest. Tomorrow I'll be better. I have no choice. My little angel needs a strong father. Thus, I'll figure out how to rebound, but it just may take a while to get over the sting I have in my heart right now.

I hope you are all resting well my friends and I'll look to catch up w/ your lives tomorrow. Please forgive me for not having the strength to do it over the past few days.

RTL

[smith18]

I am so sorry to hear the news of your divorce Rob.

When my day comes to sign off, I dont know that I will feel as sad as I have a very nice lady waiting in the wings. I think I will just be like I am now - disappointed in what my wife has become and a little sad of what she has done to our children.

Strength and Honor - strong to do the right thing even if it hurts you and honor to always do the right thing every time.

Kerry

[Kalni]

I am sorry Rob. I think we all understand the "quiet" sadness of the day for you.
Thinking of you
Love
M

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Rob, Dont apologise for not being there for us, I didnt realise that your D was about to be signed.. I am very sorry that you have had to go on this path in life. It sounds like you handled it with dignity though and I am not surprised that you couldnt look her in the eye or speak to her. You are bound to be sad and downhearted. I hope her angry, bitter texts toward you will stop now and she will let you co-parent with her peacefully.
Thinking of you too,
Ali xxx