I found I could never find any meaningful recovery until I was able to recognize my part in any proplem. No matter how big or small.
I was taught that even if I was on 2% wrong and the other party was 98% wrong, that unless I recognize and address/correct my 2%, I was not really experiencing growth or maturity emotionally or relationally.
If I was stuck blaming the other party... which can be easy to do if they are wrong in the majority or if their actions are particularly hurtful... if I was stuck blaming the other party only, it left me in self-deception and self-pity which is essentially still emotionally sick and immature.
What did I do wrong in my M? Lots! Specifically: 1. I allowed my anger to rule me and left way to many issues unresovled before going to bed at night that could have been reconciled with my W. These issues would go on for days. 2. I put my M second to my work a lot of the time. 3. I lived in the reflections of the past and dreams of the future rather than in the present. I did not recognize I was doing this. 4. I minimized the degree to which my moodiness left my W of the time feeling alone and like she was walking on eggshells. 5. I had an unhealthy pride about my wife and flaunted her in front of the guy she eventually ran off with. I was showing off and it came back and bit us.
This is just the short list. There are many, many things I did wrong.
I am now remarried and pay particular attention to these things in my current M and other Rs too. Life is sooooo much better.
