Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

It amazes me how things look so differently once I have stepped away from the perception of who I thought H was. He has always been a passive/aggresive personality. I did not understand this when I was younger. I naively thought that if people did not like something they would say "Hey, I dont really like that." I can remember after I filed for D I asked him to return a necklace that I have left at the house. He returned the pendant but not the chain. I was like WTF??? P/A acting out again. How hard it must be to constantly live in a world where you are constantly living up to others expectations to give you value. And when you get angry you have to revert to subterfuge.

Why I am bringing this up? Well, silly me left my debit card for our joint account out on my desk on the night he had S. Surprise, surprise, it is now gone. Why? I can easily order a new one(and I did) but I think it is silly that he would do something so adulenscent as this. Like taking the ATM card to our joint account is going to do anything to me. Plus, I know there is anger at me, yet I still have no idea as to what it is about. At this point I really no longer care. If he is holding on to that crap, that is his choice. I have let it all go. He made his choice and I am moving on.

As for the moving on part I am in a bit of a delima. I dont quite know how to proceed. My R2C can give me a differnt point of view, being the dad. My S has been severly D since STBXH left. At first he blamed me for S depression. Then, when he was actually around it more often, he could see it for what it was. Since I have instilled the DIM policy, I have recieved a couple of emails from him wanting to know how S is doing. Part of me feels like - ask him yourself. It is not my responsibilty to help you build a R with your S. It is not my fault he does not feel comfortable opening up to you because he has caught you in several lies. Then the other part of me thinks - well I should tell him because I am the one with S the most. He wants to know so that he can connect. It will help S if I keep STBXH informed.

Here is the thing....STBXH does not do ANYTHING with the information I pass to him. He does not talk to son, he does not try and make it better unless S is so depressed and I call him begging him to talk to S. Where do I draw the line? Where does my role as co-parent end and he has to step up to be a parent on his own?

When he emailed me this last time he alluded that I was intentionally keeping him out because I was angry. That I was using S as a tool. Um, no, I'm not. You are no longer my priority and I have been very busy. Responding to your email is not my no. 1 priority. If you want to know how S is doing, then call him and ask him! His responce - S will not talk to me about how he feels. Again, is this my responsibility to keep telling him everything S feels? I just want STBXH out of my life as much as possible!!!!

Any, and I do mean any, advice is welcome. I want to do what is best for S - screw STBXH.