WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice

[thrillisgone]

LD - Keep it together my friend! You come across as an intelligent, thoughtful and strong person. You can do this. I just read Sandi's post to you and she is right on the money. MLC doesn't resolve quickly in the best of cases and since there are many cases where it doesn't conclude in a successful reconciliation at all, you must summon all your resources and carry on as if it might not. Take care of yourself and your children.

I'm going to throw you a couple of bones here. I do this to give you strength but don't operate under the assumption that DBing will work at reconciliation. What DBing will do is make you a better stronger person with better chances at success in coming through this whole no matter what happens.

I personally know of 2 women who left their husbands and were full blown MLC. Both eventually returned. One marriage is currently better now than it ever was but it was rough going for about 1 year to 1 1/2 yrs. The other marriage still has problems but the couple is back together and trying.

Case 1. The W carried discontent and resentment around silently for about a yr before starting an online emotional EA with a "friend" from her past. Then one day she got up, packed her bags, left her husband and took off out of state to live with her "friend". She got an attorney, paid a retainer but never filed. Her husband begged, pleaded and everything else. He was crushed. He thought about killing himself. I've spoken to both W and H extensively about this and know the whole this story. The H was a former Marine who served in Desert Storm. He is a pretty tough guy but it nearly broke him. Well the chasing went on for about 2 months and this absolutely disgusted the W. After 2 months the H began to make honest changes in himself and began to maintain the household, go to work and pay the bills and carry on with life as if the W didn't exist. He began to date other women ( all platonic relationships) and then called a real estate agent to list the house. He emailed his W to sign the listing contract and she complied. This happened at month 4 and at month 5 they got a buyer. Suddenly the W began to feel like she was losing control of the situation. H told her without emotion that he was done and excited about moving on with his life. She could sense that it was for real (and it was) and she could see all the changes he had made. She refused to sign the contract with the buyer and started to feel real remorse. They started talking and then going to counseling and by month 6 she moved back into the house. After a year of couples counseling they are so happy it is like night and day. H told me he went to counseling and DBed and it worked. At first he faked it but after awhile it came naturally and he truly was happier and really ready to move on. Women aren't fooled. They know it when they see it. This was a pretty fast resolving case as the W was only gone for 6 months.

Case 2 W leaves H and stays gone for a year
She moved out of state and lived with various family members. H stays behind and starts to take care off all the things he had failed to do while his W was home. They spoke occasionally on the phone but it took the W a full year before she went home. No affairs were admitted to by either party. The W just woke up one day and decided to come home. The H didn't pressure or cajole her, he just acted indifferent but friendly and took care of business. They are back together but neither one is particularly happy. They did no counseling and still have unresolved issues and I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't last. In speaking to both the H and W there doesn't seem to be any real passion or trust.

As far as my situation is concerned I can't see how there would ever be reconciliation. Too much damage has been done and my W has put herself in a situation where it would be almost impossible for me to envision her getting loose any time soon. She is in an affair with a 69 yr old co-worker out of state. She is buying a house out of state in his neighborhood. She has lied to co workers, family and me. The changes in her are so drastic emotionally and physically that I don't even know her anymore. My story is much different than yours though. My W has taken to drinking lots of alcohol and ingesting a huge concoction of hormones and steroids. Yes it was crushing. Brought me to my knees. However, the pain is subsiding and I'm happy to be moving on with my life. I will always love her but the writing is on the wall. Her father was married 4 times (twice to the same woman). Her mother has been married 4 times. Her sister has been married 3 times (twice to the same man). A psychiatrist took a look at what she was taking and how she was acting and told me "there are worse things than divorce". I didn't believe it but I do now. My wife now refers to herself and her friends as "beautiful people". You can't save the world but you can save yourself.

Get to work buster! You can do it. Keep your head up. Respect yourself. Take care of business. You will do this.