The weekend was great. We went pumkin picking and to a farm on Saturday. We also went to movies on Sunday and barbqued with my sister and cousins. (We were never allowed to go to my sister as my wife always created controversy.)
My wife never came home on Friday night. She popped in Saturday afternoon but left again and did not come home until 130AM. My kids missed her and wondered where she was. POor judgemnt on her part.
Now--on Monday--she spoke with me about reaching some sort of resolution to the divorce. She is having money difficulties, and wants this done quickly. She is open to selling the house, but where the kids will go is still undecided. She knows that I could purchase a new home in town and the kids could stay with me.
She wants residential custody--not for the kids sake, just because she would then have me pay support. She is soo self centered and full of herself. I can not leave her with the kids without keeping an eye on things. I am doing my best to hold my ground, but she baiting me and yelling at every turn. I fear for my children and want them to be protected in the worse way. That is what fuels me to go on.
I had the strange thought that she was maybe turning he corner. She said I have changed, but I know she never will be able to love me like I want to be loved. She is incapable of expressing her feelings. As my DB coach said, she is like a young kid that is being oppositional and wants her own way. My wife is immature and unsophisticated. I can't believe I never realized that before.
Her dad even called me to try to resolve the issues with the divorce. I initially was going to meet him, but thought better of it. I am letting my lawyer handle this and arrive at a resolution.
i am now home--waiting for my children to arrive. Then I will go out and meet a friend or two. I do not like being her when my wife is around. She is desperate and dangerous.
Yom Kippur is coming up soon. I can't wait for it to be over as next week she leaves for 5 days to visit family in VA. Its close to her summer OM who is from NC. I hope she falls in love and stays.
I am still scared and uncertain. I hope things keep improving as my back hurts on the couch and I am tired of coming come to possible conflict every evening.
