I guess it's over

[NikB]

Hey Trixi... I think Dom hit it on the head. You KNOW what to do, you just aren't doing it. I'm sure that we've all posted it to you before, too.

Go dark
Get a Life of your own
Learn to be happy without him
Let him go

Why are you canceling Spanish classes? Any reason you can't continue them on your own? You must be making some pretty good progress by now!

Basically... assume, and act as if, you two are D'd. If you can't remain "just friends" with him - show him that. Act like you're no longer married to him. Treat him as you would if a D were final.

Envision your life without H (or any other man for now) in it. What does it look like? Where do you live, what things do you do?? You've done some of that.. decorating your house as you like it, having it set up the way you like it (i.e. the prairie dogs in the living area.. things YOU want).

Stop thinking of H when you're making decisions for yourself. It is not easy. That's actually why I suggested that road trip. It's the first thing I'd done in a LONG time where the decisions I made had nothing to do with H. Sure they're small... but you're deciding where to go, what to eat for dinner, what time you want to go to bed, what you're doing the next day - all without considering your H at all. Of course you may think of him some - I had a lot of "oh man H would love this too!" moments, but my DECISIONS weren't about him, reliant on him, dependent on his tastes or approval or whatever.

It's far easier to do this on vacation than at home - but if you "learn" it away from home, I think it helps you understand how it feels, and then it's easier to do in your day to day life.

I hesitate to post this since it actually HAPPENED to someone here recently, but I hope it doesn't offend - it's an example that helped me. In your mind, think of how you would "be" and act if he suddenly died. What would you do to grieve and move on? As you grieved, what would you do to make your life rich and fulfilling? Do those things.

How to run with the ball? Live your life FOR YOU, as if he's no longer part of it.