My W is blaming me for her feelings and not takiing full accounting for them. She is remanufacturing her view of me and our 20+ years together as me being an opressive ogre from day one.
Full reality is a bear. You cannot achieve healing if you want to continue to whitewash the truth. Each and every one of the actions you took was a knife in the back to your husband. Every time you made yourself up to please your lover. Every time you bought a new blouse or dress because "he" might like it was a betrayal.
You must plumb the naked, raw depths of your transgression before you can see what your husband is feeling and see how you can repent and seek his forgiveness.
People nowadays are too eager to forgive people who comit ill deeds because they don't want to "offend" anyone by laying blame at their feet.
It is clear where the blame lays. Own up to every single misdeed you did to hurt your husband. Consider this a training run for you to listen to all these horrible things and accept tham as your own.
Then you will be able to sit with your husband and hear him say the same things and not try to play oneupsmanship with him and keep you cool and begin the healing.
