I guess it's over

[Dom R]

Dommmmm!!!! Where have you been?!
How are YOU doing? What's the news? You say that I have gone above and beyond-- so have you!

Hiya Trix :-/

I was trying to stay away from the boards. Going with the "keep doing what works, stop what doesnt", it seemed like the more I posted, the worse things got, both with my situation, and how I felt about it. So, I stopped.

Things have been Very Bad for me. To the point where I was actually starting to evaluate the very painful decision of whether i needed to finalize our divorce myself, rather than waiting in limbo until she did it.
But, she surprised me with a positive action response for something I asked her for. So you might say I'm standing down to "DEFCON 3", rather than "DEFCON 1", now.
Still not doing well though. No positive end in sight.

------

Meanwhile, I saw your latest development, so decided I should poke my head in.
Now back to you. You are the reason I came back to read today

I have some advice for you.

You keep saying (indirectly) what you should be doing, but then not doing it. I think you are waiting for someone else to whap you over the head with it, because you dont want to look at it until someone says so.

That's what I'm here for

You have written multiple times in the last few days, that your husband "complained" that you let him get away with it.
He Is Right.

You have also written that, for pretty much his entire life, he has been irresponsible. Doesnt look like that's going to change, to me. EVER.

Soooo... my guess is, if you want to be married to him, you are going to have to be resolved to be one of those women who is in charge of the family. You are going to have to be the law in your household.

If you are not willing to do this, and you "need" a man that is going to be the moral center, and drive, and leader in your family... then you "need" to divorce your current husband and find someone else. He will probably never be that man.

He's toying with you. He wants you, but wont admit it (because that would give you acknowleged power over him), and wont step up to be responsible about what he wants.

So, time for you to lay down the law for him. Dont go quietly, drift-away dark. Go EXPLICITLY in-his-face dark.

You MUST tell him WHY you are cutting him off, and what it would take to change things. NOW, while he still is drawn to you

If you wait until he actively is dating again... which will be soon... it will be too late for you, in my opinion. Going silently dark, may make him simply adjust to the idea of, "that avenue is no longer open; time to follow other ones".
Whereas, if you explicitly tell him what is needed to change, he then has something to consider.

Yes, I know it seems like you have "told him already".
You need to tell him again. Probably in written form. He's a man. Short attention span, and forgetful


Now is the time for you to set rules for him, under which he may have the privilege of your company.
If he does not wish to respect you, and your feelings, then he does not deserve to be with you.

He is waiting for you to show him that you deserve respect. Dont disappoint him again. Stand up for yourself now.