I want to go see the movie Fireproof. They brought it up at Retro yesterday and I described to him what it is about. I am hoping we can go before it is out of the theaters, the soonest we could go is next Sunday evening as H is out of town until late Friday night and we are camping w/his family on Saturday...
Sarah he was there when the Retro people said, Trust is a decision. I decided to jump in with both feet on that one and let the stuff from the past year go, at least partially. I know I still am hurt by it and think about it pretty much every day on some level, but I do not use it as reason not to reunite and rebuild with H. H heard the same presentations about loving and forgiving. But he is saying that he "can't" let it go.
I gave him a bit of tough love in the car yesterday. I said, "You didn't get to go to grad school, you didn't get to go to vet school. You know what? That was 15 years ago. You say my sister should "get over" not being able to have children (she has had fertility issues). If you want her to just "get over it", take your own advice. You didn't go to grad or vet school? Get over it! Move on....If you divorce me and live on your own, guess what, you still didn't go to grad school or vet school."
He acted irritated of course when I said that. I said he needed to stop laying around crying about it and move on with life. He said, "When have I layed around crying? All I do is work, and I have moved from job to job doing different things...." I cut him off and said, "Yes, that's right, we have moved from state to state while you try to find a job that will make you happy. Guess what,nothing has made you happy. So you just need to deal with it and move on." I said some really good stuff in there in the heat of the moment but now I have forgotten it.
I also pointed out that while he moved home to live with his mom and dad 2 hrs away, I was the one working full time outside the home, taking care of our home and the yard (10 acres but I mowed 3 of them), and taking care of the kids all by myself 6 days a week. I said there were many days I didn't want to get out of bed, I wanted to lay around and be depressed about what happened to me (the affair and betrayal, feeling abandoned, etc). But I decided that would not help me in anyway so I found friends here to talk to, got a job that kept me busy, focused on my kids, got on meds, and did what I had to do to get better.
He needs to quit being the victim and get over his pity party/anger/resentment issues.
That being said, how can you say that while also being loving, supportive, and affirming? I am stuck on that one.........
