I feel very strongly that your feelings of hopelessness are not serving you well.
I wish I could say this clearly. Do not put your hope in your husband's return. You seem to be in a nose dive over this, as we all are at times.
But you need to remember a couple of things here.
First, 'don't believe anything your WAS says, and only half of what you see'
So his mother said he was done ? Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I think almost everyone on this board has gotten that message from their WAS at one time or another.
But whether he stays or goes, you have got to stop letting his choices dictate how you are going to feel about you and your future.
You need to seriously detach from him and use this time to re-discover what makes you happy to be you and do some things you have always wanted to do.
Your H feels your desperation and I think it sends him running.
You have to be strong now. Please stick around and let the wise and caring people on this board encourage you.
Listen, DBing is about becoming a better you, a wiser you. It is about learning what we did wrong, but not wallowing in it. Learing from it.
It sounds as if you believe that you cannot go on without your H. It may feel that way now, but for the sake of your kids you have to pull it together. Take a deep breath. You will be ok...you will be ok.....you will be ok !
Life's most valuable lessons are ones that often learned through the crucible of pain. Don't miss what Life is trying to teach you....
Last edited by native; 10/06/0804:25 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
How do you do it? First of all, you don't do it TODAY. Or necessarily even tomorrow or this week. This is a big blow to you emotionally, and you have to give yourself time to process it. But AFTER this week, yes, you are going to need to go on a "Sandy Project" and work on you, and we can help you.
If your husband DOESN'T talk to you about this, and doesn't INITIATE that talk, then I will stand by what I said about the chickenchit little girl having his mommy do his dirty work for him.
Hey sandy, there is some great words of wisdom on your thread, I needed to read some of pups words myself!!
Have you seen fireproof yet?
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
You need to tell yourself that you DO NOT NEED your H for you to go on. You need to focus on what needs to get done, yourself and your kids.
Arrange to take you time. Get your hair cut, go shopping or window shopping, get out. Meet your friends for dinner, join a book club, you are welcome to join our movie club. Keep yourself busy.
Babysteps. You CAN do this.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You need to tell yourself that you DO NOT NEED your H for you to go on. You need to focus on what needs to get done, yourself and your kids.
Arrange to take you time. Get your hair cut, go shopping or window shopping, get out. Meet your friends for dinner, join a book club, you are welcome to join our movie club. Keep yourself busy.
Babysteps. You CAN do this.
kat
That's true. You need to take the focus off your H and put it where it should & needs to be which is on you and your kids. DBing is for you, to make you a stronger, more attractive person and if your H comes back that's just the frosting on the cake. Karen
Well I made it thru the day...and never heard from Hubby. That hurts..his flight got in around 10 or 11 and he cant even call to see how his kids are.
The OW wasnt at work..how convenient she got the day off to spend with him...
I hope he is enjoying his new life..while I take care of our kids.
Thanks everyone for your support, I really am trying... I get so emotional over every little thing.
No, I have not seen fireproof...I want to really bad.. but .. should I bother..when I know this marriage is doomed..it will make me even more emotional...
So..plan for tomorrow.... no contact and no crying..every day is a step closer to hopefully healing.
Well let's put away the pity wagon shall we. Trust me it is not going to attract anyone to your side after a while. In fact it will begin to be a repellent. I did everything wrong, I have been where you are. I didn't find this site until ex had already filed. So I was alone failing miserably at trying to get him to see how crazy his logic was.
What started to change things for me was realizing that this has nothing to do with me or you in this case. Sure you probably had issues in your marriage just like everyone else but he made the choice to cross the line. So that is why you need to make yourself happy. Work on making yourself into the person you always dreamed you could be. Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
