I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you get a pleasant surprise, and things get better!
It sounds like your STBX is having trouble realizing that there are real consequences for the path he has chosen. I think you are helping him figure it out. I'm glad you are going to talk to him. I think it will be good to get everything out, and talked about. Maybe then he will understand things a bit better.
It sounds like your trip went really well. The ocean is a bit of a pain, isn't it!
