H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Beautiful Where- I think you're right, things are changing for me. How are you? I need to check your thread.
Ali- I agree about the nice evenings out- it's more of the same, but I don't really think I have a lot of options other than being patient and focussing on me right now. That should be easy enough to acheive after all this time. I hope you have a great night out tonight. Thanks for popping by!
Beth DB Queen and ITH- how do I feel? if we're talking about the situation with H, I feel resigned and detached. I like seeing him and I still love him. I really enjoy the time we spend together. I've put in a lot of work to get us here, but he has issues to deal with and needs to continue on his own journey. I agree, ITH, that H probably still loves me. He just has to recognise it at some level, and this has got to come from him. In the meantime I'll continue to be patient and enjoy myself. He knows where I am and that I'm here.
How do I feel about CEO vs H? I don't know. I'm more and more susceptible to CEO, but in a way it helps me move on. That's good for me. I'd miss CEO if he wasn't there, but he isn't my H. I guess at the moment I'm OK with the duality of that. There's no immediate likelihood of an R between myself and CEO so I don't think I'd discuss it with H. Even if there was the chance of an R with him, I doubt I'd discuss it with H -I'm sure H would (right now) consider me free to live my life in that he doesn't see me as his W. Any decisions are up to me so I'll have to follow my conscience if/when the time comes.
What have I learned? -patience -not to react immediately -I have enormous control over my emotions -I'm the only one who I can control -there's nothing I can't handle -I'm the only one who will always be with me -love is a decision and I can give it without it being reciprocated -to spend time with my friends more -that peas (or a lack of them) are an extremely important part of a happy M (joke)
Julia, ITH, Beth- I'm glad you liked the kiss. No doubt it'll send H into his cave for weeks now, but always worth something different. H does have delicious lips and he was being gorgeous on Wednesday in general. I haven't tried a kiss since last April so we'll see. I have a feeling something has changed for him (since our anniversary) but I'm not sure what it is, so I think the best strategy is to do nothing for now and see what happens.
Glad to hear that things seem to be going well. I'll keep my fingers crossed that "the kiss" doesn't sent H too deep into his cave.
Very interesting about the HG's there. Maybe the fact that you and Julia don't have "soccer mom" practically tatooed on your foreheads attracts them too.
Hey hey! Maybe if CEO does move on to another job and is not longer YOUR CEO then there would be a possibility??????? I'm just saying.......never let go of options.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
The thought about CEO had occurred to me, although it look a bit less likely this week.
Anyway, I sent a message to H's and my mutual friend this morning to congratulate him on the birth of his baby. Got H's Out of Office back (I'd cc'd him) and he's on holiday again this week. I guess the lack of communication/mention of it indicates he's away with the aubergine. *sigh*
I know this could be good in that they'll be spending a lot of time together, and it explains why he's been withdrawn the last few weeks. Other than that I don't have much to say- I feel a bit upset at the moment but am sure it'll pass. I guess it's disappointment about him not telling me about his holiday rather than the fact that he's probably with her. All this time of being his "friend" and validating etc. and he can't even tell me he has holidays planned. I guess he just didn't want to hurt me or something stupid like that. It's hard to understand, though, why if he thinks things are over he doesn't just say it. Surely that would be the easiest thing?!
Anyway, I don't feel like crying, just resigned to H being gone and (probably?) not coming back. I actually now can't wait for my seminar at the sperm bank, and feel like I should start dating. Like NOW!!!
Maybe I'll schedule a call with Jody for this week and talk things through. CEO appears more and more appealing by the minute....
*sigh* *sigh* *sigh*
And CEO has just walked past me looking at me in a concerned way (he can usually tell if I'm feeling sad). Lucky he's going out this afternoon or maybe I'd just tell him the whole sorry tale!
oh dear, I know the feelings you describe My Lady...
I am sorry you are a bit frustrated. But you know how this goes. You know the rules. Dont let this week get to you. Stay positive and listen to your heart.
I know you probably think I am talking from my perspective, but honestly I have you in mind when I say that it is not like CEO is a bum that you just run into, ugly or crude. He is a man at the right age, handsome, clever, sophisticated, etc etc. who seems to appreciate you very much. It doesnt sound like a sounding board, it sounds like a man to (someday) fall in love with. And much better than the sperm bank... Love K
I know what you mean about CEO- it seems from so many perspectives that he's here in the right place at the right time. If he was to ask me to go out with him, I think I would. I can always get a new job . But there's the thing- he needs to ask me, and that will depend on whether he can overcome the barrier of being the CEO. We shall see.
I feel OK about the H thing in a way. He makes his choices and I can make mine. In my heart I feel that it's not over (rather than him just not telling me it's over, or me not telling him). I guess it doesn't hurt to keep an open mind about it while exploring the other options though.
Thankyou for posting- I really appreciate it, especially considering how hard things must be at home right now.
What a frustrating day. NO ASS-uming that he is with the aub! You know better than to guess what he's up to.
If you really feel you want to explore things with CEO then why do you have to wait for him to ask you? If you want to explore - ASK HIM! Of course, that's easy for me to say from several thousand miles away when I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS ask a guy out. The other little issue of you still being M and not sure about your R has to be holding you back too. I'm just saying.......don't wait for life to come to you. You have to take it by the horns and wrestle that bad boy to the ground!
I was trying to think of something witty or clever to say but it's just not coming to me. I'll leave with this thought. If you are feeling this separate from your H and are resigned to him never coming back then what are you holding on to? A vague idea of what you once had? A memory?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
(joke)
