You have come so very far and done so very well. You have a solid R now with your H.
This is JMHO when I read your post, and I am by no means and expert as my H isn't here with me.. <sigh>
anyway a couple things stuck with me. You were over come by that same dreaded feeling of insecurity that all too often comes over us all. your human!!
You know what and why you did that and your H probably knows why you feel that way too.
Ask for forgivness in a short, plain, matter of fact way. Explain your feelings and that you understand how that effected him.
Then leave him be. Feels almost like pursuing to me. You can't control how quickly he moves back to his previous place. You can only control you. Explain then move on.
Again, that was the feeling I came away with after reading your post.
Also, remember how far you've come and you'll come through this with flying colors too!
Water: You are so right when you said its seems i want to control him... yes... i am so desesperate bc this old behavior of him is repeating even after all we had lived in our R. Do you think is perfectly reasonable and logical to cut off the words to your wife, dont talk to her at all and even go out alone with your kids withut your wife, only bc she ask you, in a jelaus way,where are you?!!... and more if she had asked him excuse bc her reaction?!!... So, yes, i want deep in my heart to know how to change this behavior from him...!!... i am right now sad, alone in home bc he decided to go ut with kids withpout me, while i was looking for some present of my baby and hiding then just until christmass... When i arrived home, i found out he had made plans with kids... Surprise...!!... I am working hard trying him not desestabilize me and stress me... but it is difficult, and ths time i dont want to talk... he need to look for the talk, for the resolution of this big problem he had made bc a question i made and a question i ask for an excuse, i apologyze...!!.. i will appreciate anny comment from the board... Andrea
Andrea, I know what you are going through. They can get very defensive when we question them like we don't trust them. I'm not sure if it's post guilt that they get reminded of when we treat them as though they are still decieving us,or if it's frustration that they think we will never trust them again. Maybe some of both. You have opoligized to him so there is nothing much more you can do except act as if. Act as if this argument is over. If he wants to drag it on that's his perogative, but as far as your concerned it's history. I know your hurt and angry at his reaction. Until he gets over his anger he won't be rational about it. They say never strike while the iron is hot. I think there is alot of merit in that. When things cool down, then maybe you can tell him why you were frightened, and talk about it. Right now is not the time. Go about your business, being pleasant to him even if you don't feel like it. Don't stoop to his behavior of not talking to one another. You don't have to be the one to make up or say your sorry anymore, just behave in a civil manor towards him. Would this be a 180 for you in this sitchuation? I know in the past when my H would do something that would hurt me I would freeze up for days. Now I let most things roll off my shoulder because I know this behavior does not bring us closer together, and for me it's more of the same behavior I used to engage in that he hated. No matter if he is doing some of the same things you do not like. If ONE of you doesn't change then NOTHING will change. Does that make sense? I know this will be hard when you are hurt and angry, but to continue like this will only prolong that hurt and anger. It stinks we have to be the ones to stick our necks out there and behave in a different manor when they are acting like little boys, but SOMEONE has to do something different. Maybe, just maybe, if WE do something different long enough, they will start to also. Hope this helps in some small way, Rachael
Ok, racahel... you are sirhgt, but tell me... How to proceed or act as if while he doesnt talk to me... Dont you think is stupid continue telling some one "goodmorning", "hi", How whas all", while he doesnt asnwer nothing...?!!...
Actually no, I don't think it's stupid for you to say those things. I think he is acting like a stubborn child. He won't be this way forever, and if you act like the adult in the relationship he just might start feeling like an idiot. It takes two to fight. He can fight all by himself if he wants-eventually he will start to feel lonely in his actions. I have to ask, before this was everything OK? No signs of problems? Also he may be angry because he was concerned for his family member and your actions came across to him as being uncaring. I understand exactly why you did what you did-I would have done the same thing probably. Let him cool down. See how things are in a day or so. Go on with your life (easy to say), be cheerful. Atleast then you'll know the problem is his-not yours. Rachael
I am working hard trying him not desestabilize me and stress me... but it is difficult, and ths time i dont want to talk... he need to look for the talk, for the resolution of this big problem he had made bc a question i made and a question i ask for an excuse, i apologyze...!!.. i will appreciate anny comment from the board...