I truly miss love

[Sanderika]

lwb and naej,

Thank you both so very much...while you have brought me to tears, I do know and realize that my S is here and I have him in my world everyday to treasure. I am happy being home with him and taking care of his needs.

I have taken good care of him during the past 38 months and I will continue. He and I have developed a wonderful relationship and H has been out there somewhere and honestly doesn't even know who his son is anymore. My son will respect me for being here with him.

Tomorrow I will retain the L I have chosen and take the rest one day at a time. I know my H will be in for a rude awakening when he fully realizes his losses. His gain isn't going to be worth it. I am planning to have no contact with H. I will look at this more like a business transaction (as one other DB'er put it). I will leave it up to my L to look like the bad guy. H can get mad now but will only be able to blame himself for the consequences.

I still wish there was something I could do to turn it around. I will continue to DB right to the end until the D is final.

Cinders, I am sorry to hijack here...I have watched your story carefully, I feel like we have a lot in common right now.

I wish we were not in this place and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Sanderika

[Bworl]

Just one comment...

I will continue to DB right to the end until the D is final.

The end is when YOU decide it is. Do not allow a THING, like divorce, to determine how YOU choose to live your life.


Bill

[Sanderika]

Thanks Bill,

I have treated my H like I Love Him, Care for Him, Respect Him and I am His Friend for the past 38 months. I want to continue to do this.

My friends can't figure out why I don't hate him. I tell them I look at it with respect for him to be making the choices for his life that he needs to make regardless of the pain it brings to my life. It is H that has to deal with the consequences.

I will CONTINUE TO CHOOSE to live my life treating him the same way. I think that will ultimately make me feel good.

I think the hard part will be the unreciprocated love, care, respect and friendship along with the loneliness, all things I already am used to feeling. They don't get easier for the most part.

Another thing is being a single parent....I hate it. It's not meant to be this way.

Thank you so much...I value all the friends I have made here.

Sanderika

[Cinderellaman]

Naej, Bill and lwb,

Thank you for your wonderful posts ! I couldn't agree more with you...it often helps to see things in writing, so that it becomes clearer !

Sanderika,

I am so very sorry that you are going to be divorced. It is a harsh reality that will probably happen in my near future too.

A friend of mine once said to me...'Cinders, I think it's better if you get divorced, I've heard of many couples that get back together after being divorced !' hahahaha - she made laugh as if statistically it would give me better chances at this, than just staying married...and you know what...she may even end up being right !

Life is tough, and yes, we had some wonderful years and we have children to bring up, love and cherish.
I often hear of people becoming terminally ill, and I am ever so greatful that I am only dealing with this and not something so much more painful....
I hope to get to see my kids grow up and live happy lives !

I love all you wonderful people here. It is a special place with so much love and passion and true empathy. Thank you !

[Cinderellaman]

MWG,

Thank you so much for your beautiful post. I truly appreciate your input and your care for me. Thanks xxx

[brandnewday]

((((((((Cinders))))))))

Hey Sweetie!!!

I haven't posted for a while but I wanted to see what you had been up to lately.

I am so sorry you are feeling down and I really do feel your pain.

BUT...

You are making your Husband to be such an important part of your life, and making him the priority. You seem to forget that you have managed so well without him and for a while you seemed to be finally very accepting of the situation.

Without sounding hypocritical, because I know my situation is different then yours, but you do not need him in your life. Yes as a Father to your children, but you have become an amazing Woman and you do not have to have this person to complete you.

What happened over the past few weeks to bring you back to this point? I think you are allowing the thoughts in your head to take over again.

This is one of my favorite poems..


After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.

[Truelove]

Hi Cinders,
I am sorry you are in so much pain. I know exactly how you feel.

I also hope that your kids will grow up and live happy lives. They get so much love from their mum. (((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

BND what a lovely poem. It helped me so i'm sure it will help cinders

[Sanderika]

Hi Brandnewday,

I love your poem, I printed it and am laminating it for a bookmark.

I will have it to read everytime I feel like giving up.

I needed this for inspiration to keep moving forward, especially right now.

Thank you so much,

Sanderika

[TRUSTING]

Just stopping by to say Hi.

Brand New Day's words are so true.

No one knows Cinders where this will all take us.