Ok, I want you to try something for me. Imagine this. Imagine you are single. Imagine you have a life, an independent life. And you just met this guy, who seems like a real catch, and you want to get to know him better. what do you do?
You dress hot. You start working out, or if you already work out, you work out a little harder. You smile every time you see him.
That okay, I do kind of do that but wouldn't iniating sex make him feel wanted and desired ?
I know that when he looks GOOOOD , i get depressed thinking someone else will have the pleasure. somone else will make him feel wanted.
wouldn't iniating sex make him feel wanted and desired ?
Yes it will, when he's ready. but is he ready? everything you've written says he is pushing away. you initiating sex is pulling him in. It doesn't sound like he's looking for that. Doesn't sound like he wants that right now.
I'm just armchair analyzing here, but it sounds like he feels a little broken, beat up. And he's afraid of you. Afraid of the hurt. And afraid doesn't equal turned on.
You can look sexy but no grabbing him. It's time for him to take the lead, and it may take some time.
Your job is to make him comfortable. and also intrigued. Goal: Every conversation and interaction with him is positive. Goal: Every time he sees you, you look good, really good. Goal: You end the conversation, every time. No lingering. Goal: find a new hobby or activity that you love and start doing it. photography, painting, horses, whatever. this will put a spring in your step and make you attractive.
Tonight it crossed my mind that he had another woman. Only because he is so secretive. Don't know if I could handle it. He was saying right up to a couple of eweeks ago that I was the only woman that got his heart racing. Has not said it for a while now . I would love to ask him. But I wont.
I am tempted to follow him! I know , I can here you yelling all the way across the Pacific Dooooooooooooooont
I know you keep saying take up a new hobby / sport but I don't know what!
I am not a bloke and I cant think of any sissy things to do.
Ok tomorrow I see him, I will be provocative but aloof ..... should be interesting. Sounds like teasing and I guess it is.
How are you doing ?
Has there been any improvement in your situation , even a little bit ?
Life must feel a bitch to you. You never asked for any of this. I know there are a lot worse things happening but that is no consolation when you feel so down.
I would give anything to have my H be as understanding as you.
Things are ok with me, I had a great day with my kids on Sunday. We made stuff and played and hung out. It was a great day.
The night before I went out to see some music with some friends. The band wasn't bad - but the best part was to just get out and hang with people.
The wife is starting to communicate to me much more. Sending me notes almost daily, most about the kids. Some of them are very cheerful, and some are gentle. She sent me a handwritten note with the kids test scores and wrote "We produced a slew of smart kids!" among other pleasantries. This is the first time she has communicated about "We" in ... I don't know how long. a year? More? And it is a far cry from a couple months ago when she was completely silent. Zero communication. So I am thankful for that. (Remember I am ordered no communication back.)
The truth is I am afraid. I would like to communicate back to her but I am afraid to violate the order. I've got a ton of restrictions put on me, my time with the kids restricted and so on, and I don't believe it is justified at all. And I don't want any more problems. So I am afraid.
But no-contact is not helping. I have to find a way to act with courage, to communicate to her in some way my openness towards her. In answer to my prayers, someone has come who wants to play the part of diplomat between us. We are trying to sell the family home because we cannot afford it with a split income. The real estate agent is a Christian woman who wants to help. She knows I have a no-contact order against me and wants to act as go-between to help resolve the issue of the house, and the other things. I am not a bible thumper but honestly, this woman was given to us by God. She doesn't have to do this, but she feels she must.
So there are a bunch of positives for us: More positive communication. The real estate agent. And also the sale of the home - I think that is a necessary dose of reality. We'll see what the future brings...
I am hopeful!
For now I have to focus on being compassionate, patient, and truly forgiving. She won't come back to me if I am angry. She might not come back in any case, but for sure, I cannot be angry.
I'll be thinking of you flirting with your husband!
Hi - My heart fluttered for you when you said there was little notes etc. I am a little excited for you. I understand about not getting your hopes up because that is what i do and then I come crashing down.
Also good news about real estate agent. It is amazing who we share our troubles with and how a complete stranger can help.
I suppose your wife knows that you are adhereing to the law by not responding. I think that , that would be my first communication. Making sure she understands that you would love to be talking about kids etc.
Could you not write her a note, expressing that you love getting updates from her but in fear of violation you cannot respond. Surely that could not be used against you ? Maybe a little risk would be worth it.
Sounds like she has possibly had the space and time and is moving back towards the light.
Well i am off to do some flirting. I know i can flirt ok, its the other stuff I am not sure of.
