Native, Wondering how W felt in years past is unhealthy at best and will get you no forward progress. Stop putting so much blame on yourself. There were two of you in the marriage. There was obviously a disconnect with the sex and the communication, but it was not up to you to be a mind reader. Your W could have made suggestions about what it was that she was looking for. Light some candles, draw a bath, etc. It takes two.
I haven't read all of your sitch, but why is she bringing up her sexual awakening with you? Maybe she is hinting that she wants you to do something about it. Make a suggestion that you could help her out if she is feeling the bug. Flirt with her. Tell her she's sexy when she's least expecting it. Stop apologizing for things you did or didn't do in the past, especially when discussing the sexual issues. I think this just tends to reinforce her memory of things not being right. Step up now and do things differently.
