Mixed Signals or Just My Imagination ?

[native]

I am feeling the weight of lonlieness as I woke up 4 am and no one in the house but me. I am dealing with very bad sinus congestion and cold and sometimes get the fear I might not be able to breathe. I can breathe though, just not through my nasal passages.

I think if I had a real emergency how no one would be here to know...

And so I really feel cut off and isolated at this moment.

And it makes me wonder if this is the way W felt, unnoticed, cut off, isolated in our M.

BC I had tried to ML less and less frequently due to her continued rejection. ( In retrospect, she needed some romance and emotional intimacy, which we were not making time or space for for various reasons)

But I think she felt unnoticed as I definitely focused on nurturing D6 since W seemed so difficult to be with.

Whatever the reasons, I think to be around someone, and to go unnoticed must be like not being alive on some level.

Or to be alive, but unable to connect, like there was an invisible barrier around you others could not penetrate.

Like being buried alive....

I wonder is this is how my sweet W felt when I ignored her in the past.

Or when the only connection is when you argue...