I guess it's over

[Trixi]

Esky-
I don't know how I missed your post! Must have been writing my post when you posted your post and then I missed it. Anyway, I appreciate you stopping by.

I don't think he was ready at the time to stand up for what he wanted.

Oddly, that is almost word for word what he said to me last night.

If you want to turn a dreaded chat on divorce into something that yields some information, use the "bucketing" technique. If he wants to do something like divorce, just calmly ask "And what's the purpose of that?".

I know exactly what the purpose of him wanting to "not be married anymore" is: he doesn't want to be committed. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants. He doesn't want me to count on him. He "already is making a commitment to his son, a commitment to his job" he has to stay in the house for another year because of a 3% prepay penalty-so he sees that as another 'commitment'.

I probably could have garnered useful info in the past when he wasn't so closed off, but at this point, he has made himself clear. He doesn't want to be married.

I am definitely GAL. So much has happened this year, though. Seems irrepairable.

<snip>but I knew I had a lack and I was smart enough to work on myself instead of grasping to fill some hole I couldn't understand.

And that makes you a lucky man. My H has always searched outside of himself to fill the void. A lot of his childhood memories with his mom involve her taking him shopping for "'. So he definitely had the idea that "stuff" would do it. I think he is outgrowing that, but still thinks that it's something outside of him that will fill it-be it music, younger women (which now he says 'isn't it'), drinking, partying, whatever.

And then don't put any expectations on him whether he should or shouldn't. You just tell him nothing and then go off and work on GAL.

No worries on telling him anything; we are in radio silence.
Ugh. I just realized I get to cancel the Spanish lessons. *sigh*

I have a DB phone session with Jody tomorrow. Probably not going to be of much value given the sitch.
But if I get any nuggets to share, I will be sure to post them.