It seems he goes out of the way for me not to know what he is doing or who he is doing it with. Wants control of his life back he says. Is this normal or is he really closing us down?
Seems totally normal to me. He wants to live his own life. Let him go. Let him do it. Give him his freedom. Adopt the position that you have no control over him, no right to his loyalty now. Let it be.
Quote:
On sunday he sailed all day but did invite himself around for tea. This is in order to see kids. He said very little to me , not interested in my day or anything. After dinner, I took myself off for a walk for an hour, so that he could be himself with kids. I came back home, he had cleaned the dishes. He stayed for coffee. Seemed happier and left.
This is very good of you. This is the right thing. Give him room. Let him enjoy the kids. Give him space.
Quote:
later sent him a text letting him know that I realised he has a lot of pain etc.
ACK! This is very bad . This is called pursuing and pressuring and initiating relationship talk. Repeat after me: if he initiates, it's ok. If you initiate, it's not ok. Get it? Stop texting him. Leave him alone.
Quote:
Today on the phone with plumbing things and cable TV ( I asked his opinion ) and he was very happy. Still no personal questions asked.
Fine. If it was pleasant, then it was a victory. 1000 small victories in battle will win the war.
Quote:
Where is he at ? Is he angry ? is he out of love? is he just enjoying the upper hand ? is he enjoying being the victim?
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Stop!! I know you miss him, but leave him alone! Get out of his head, d4mnit! Let him be. Just give him some peace.
Quote:
I hate doing things on my own.
This is a growth opportunity for you then, isn't it?
Quote:
(about the sailing lessons) ... a very sad loss for me.
Ok, I want you to try something for me. Imagine this. Imagine you are single. Imagine you have a life, an independent life. And you just met this guy, who seems like a real catch, and you want to get to know him better. what do you do?
You dress hot.
You start working out, or if you already work out, you work out a little harder.
You smile every time you see him.
You do stuff that makes you feel sexy and strong.
You do stuff that is delightful TO YOU, because you are terrific and you deserve great things. if you like to cook, you take a cooking class. or you go on stage during improv night. or you write a poem. or you make a cabinet with your own hands, or you make a sculpture. You do something creative and fascinating, something that just turns you on spiritually. something you love.
and then when that guy gets to know you better he will say, I'm impressed! You made that sculpture with your own hands? or he will say wow, you wrote that song yourself? and so on.
and then he will be smitten.
No man wants a needy, sniveling, mopey woman. Your man wants someone who rocks, someone who loves lavishly, someone who exudes sex appeal whether she is 18 or 88, someone who is confident and optimistic and powerful yet gentle. Someone who is wise and funny, someone a little mysterious, someone who is surprising and a little dangerous. What are you doing to be surprising and sexy and wise and mysterious?
If you are sitting at home looking wistfully at the telephone hoping he will call, I can guarantee he will not. But if you are out at night and doing what moves your spirit, I can guarantee he will be intrigued and will want to know you better.
Change your attitude so that you recognize that You have no claim on him now. You must win him.
