I'm sending out a heartfelt hello and thatnks to all the wonderful people I've "met" here in the past 7 months. I feel that I have become a much better person because of this site and all of you and your wonderful support and yes even the 2X4s.
In closing my Hs email accounts over the last 3 days I have discovered that he had been having an affair (PA and EA) all this time and was in love with her. She tried to break if off a couple of times but it seems he persued her. The end of June it seems that she had finally broken it off. The beginning of July is when he resumed "relations" with me but we'll never know what that meant. His friends and Sister told me they told him he should stay away from her but he wouldn't listen. Love can be pretty stupid.
Even though he is gone I did call her H and talked to him. I cannot have my M or H ever again but I had to let him know what had been going on. I had to for closure for me. I also wrote her an email telling her how I felt.
We are coping well. D refuses to sleep in her own bed but is doing fairly well and she'll go back to school tomorrow morning. I called the new job place and accepted the position. I know I will cry when I arrive there since it is Hs old school. Life is ironic and a bitch.
I'll never know what could have been so I just live with the knowledge that he cared for me and told me he loved me many times. I have no doubt that he did. I just wish he could be on this earth long enough for me to tell him I loved him madly one more time.
Loads of love and best wishes for your DBing efforts,
Jennifer
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
