Well he pulled back again. Why is it 1 step forward and then back? He said he was going to call me today when we were on the phone last night and yet it is almost 8 oclock at night here and no phone call. . .I know it is just one day and that things are still way positive. I just don't know why he wouldn't have called. Oh well.
It's just a way for me to prove that I can be detached and let him have his space.
I have been thinking a lot about this "roomate" situation and I am kinda nervous about it. I talked to my dad about it and he wasn't overly positive about it because he thinks it has a lot of potential pitfalls and could turn very stressful. I agree in some ways and I know he is just looking out for me but it got me thinking. Do you guys think this is "begging for scraps?" because that is the complete opposite of the message I want to send. I want him to see how strong and independent I am/can be and wonder what I am saying if we were to go ahead with this plan. I honestly don't think he would be in his own room for too long. I view it as more of a temporary, transition phase, to make him feel safe until he could give it up. I think he is just scared that I will not respect his need for space. It's on the list that he gave me and it has been a big problem in the past. I know I could do it because it would be much easier to live together and give him an hour or two of space here and there than to live in different cities and see each other once or twice a week.
I really have learned sooo much from the past few months and feel ready to try this out full time but I am scared of getting too close, getting my hopes up, and placing all my eggs in one basket when I would not even have a guarentee that we would ever go back to living as husband and wife.
I don't know if I am making any sense. I hope so.
I really need to make my list of things that he would need to do differently, maybe that would help me feel like we were on a more even playing field. He is not innocent in this situation, not by a long shot, but lately I have only been thinking of the things I need to change, the things I did/do wrong, etc. I will give this some thought and post my list here before I give it to him. I know one of the things would be that he has to go to his IC when he gets home from training, at least for the 6 sessions we get for free.
