I haven't posted for a while but I wanted to see what you had been up to lately.
I am so sorry you are feeling down and I really do feel your pain.
BUT...
You are making your Husband to be such an important part of your life, and making him the priority. You seem to forget that you have managed so well without him and for a while you seemed to be finally very accepting of the situation.
Without sounding hypocritical, because I know my situation is different then yours, but you do not need him in your life. Yes as a Father to your children, but you have become an amazing Woman and you do not have to have this person to complete you.
What happened over the past few weeks to bring you back to this point? I think you are allowing the thoughts in your head to take over again.
This is one of my favorite poems..
After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong And you really do have worth, and you learn and learn... With every good bye you learn.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
