My Crazy mess, these are the days of my life!

[christarn]

VS~ I am not concerned so much about an A...I just am worried about passing....I am petrified...the final was insanely difficult; I have test anxiety as well, which made it even worse. I did get an A on my presentation....which made me feel good! yeah!

I'm not so worried about my sitch; I have pretty much made my mind up to quit fighting. PLEASE understand I am OK, truly with this decision. To draw out legal battles will just infuriate H even more, and to force him to MC and the cost of it all....I just don't feel the ends are going to justify the means. I have been on my own now for 21 months, I continue to grow, mature, and better my life; he is still where he is the day I left, and he holds so much anger, I am not even sure mandatory MC would even begin to help the anger. I also know there is OW in the pic; going back " home" after all of this, doesn't even make me smile like it did at one time. I think of what all he has done inside that house with multiple OW and I just cringe. It just helps me to realize that going back is probably not a good option for me.

I went out for a bit with some friends last night. It was the first time in 22 months, that H didn't cross my mind, and I didn't feel lonely or out of place. I relaxed and enjoyed myself. I think I am finally coming to terms with the inevitable. And that is ok. God will steer me in the direction I am to go; and for now I am finding peace with this decision.

I think knowing it's all behind me will help take so much of my stress away. I also feel it will help out with my school sitch; I will no longer have to wonder what is H doing, why isn't he calling/texting etc. It will just be done. I can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for; as they say "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink." I can show him all the love, compassion, empathy,and understanding in the world;however, if he continues to hold onto all of his anger and not try, and act the way he is acting, i can do no more.

I truly do feel good about this. Its almost like weight off my shoulders.

thanks for the support & encouragement!!!! So sweet of you It's amazing to me the friendships which are made here!!

Christa