H moving out!! Crisis I need help

[TxMomw/2girls]

Ok T2L and Hope -

I'm dying today... I am so angry and upset I sometimes feel I can't get through this... at times I feel that giving up is easier than holding on and hoping he'll come back... I want to run away with my kids for a year right now and have H never see them. Then when I think of my girls and the thought of having to only see my kids two weekends a month or share holidays it makes me sick and keeps me motivated to do everything I can.

H watched the girls all day yesterday and last night .. I spent the night out at a friends house.. I could tell H was off and not quite himself probably missing the OW. I will say that I have caught him noticng how I look ... he made a comment on my new shirt I had on yesterday.. then last night when I was getting dressed he was looking me up and down

I bought the book " surviving an Affair" but just started reading it... I'm still reading DR too... so I haven't gotten to the part of plan A and plan B yet... As Hope says not sure when we should do this as both of our H are in the "honeymoon" stage of the affair. I have decided in all the books I've read they say playing the nice friendly neighbor type is better than the depressed, angry type.. although today I backslided some by being angry with him and I yelled at him on the phone.

His b-day is this Friday and Thursday night he wants to go to dinner with the family to celebrate.. should I?? I got him some small gifts from the girls. I'm on the fence if I even want to do this.. My H is a romantic person so nice gestures gets me further than being a Biaatttchhh!!! so if I can hang tight this week I'm going to play nice... he will also be seeing his family this weekend and it will be the first time and he'll have to talk to them and explain so I want him to leave on a good note..

T2L as you said.. if we do it too long then I will get more resentful as every day passes .. but I can't fully detatch or do Plan B with us having such little kids and I travel for my job so he has to come up and watch the girls when I'm out of town.

question - I found a bunch of old cards and letters we wrote to each other the first 5 years together and boy did it make me cry for what we had. some of my friends said for me to leave them with him this Wednesday when I leave town for business and ask him to just read and remember.. I want him to realize that what we had was real and that we can go back to that... not sure on this as I don't want it to backfire... thoughts?

I feel I need to have some R talks I feel as I can't just sit here much longer with him coming and going with the girls and going back to OW - it is killing me...