My Ex was in an accident-now what?????

[mkultra]

Thank you for the insight. I originally came on these boards to save my marriage but I have not read enough in dealing with affairs so I stayed in the Separated forum, the Affair forum was not for me. Sometimes I feel it is me who wants the divorce more now but I have always been against divorce and I feel marriage should be for life unless there is abuse. Neither one of us has filed for anything. We have been status quo for over 18 months. Now the forum is a place of comfort for me but I cannot visit daily like I used to. I wish I could be more supportive as I do believe in Divorce Busting and it has saved me in so many ways. There have been days when I am in the convalescent home with my husband holding his hand, cheering him up, and I feel it is like we are still best friends. I feel like our Northern Star is that we will eventually grow old together. And I wonder if he were to die or if I were to be on my death bed, if it is his face who will comfort me? He is the man I married and built a home with and had two children with after all. But we are both guarded even though I try to be the bigger person. I know this sounds crazy, but I kind of live like those women on Oprah who discover their spouses are gay and they stay friends even after the confusing betrayal. IOi have no idea what his life has been like but I think he just works and sees the kids. I know his affair was ended after only three months because the OW is pregnant with her current boyfriend. Stupid Husband. I know people have different reasons for having affairs but what a shmuck. Do I love him? Maybe. I am not sure. I feel sorry for him and that would mean a lot in the past. I think I would sleep with him only if I felt sorry for him not because I was attracted to him. I have lost a lot of respect for him but I suppose the man I loved is still in there. Everyone is torn , not just me. His family, my family, all of our friends. Our neighbours. People loved this man. He was so popular and such a fall from grace, border line creep status because of the age of his partners and roommates. Word got out that he was hanging out with much younger people and yet he is almost 40. So that is another part of my life. I went from being a stay at home mom with two kids under 5 and a part time teaching job and a carpenter husband who was completely devoted to this.