nds, let me remind you of something I posted a while back about words that are said.
My W has said:
I'm done. I'm totally done. Get the f*ck out of the house. I have my kids and my career and having nothing left for us. She told me she doesn't love me. She told me not to address her with any honey's, etc.. Don't say ILY to me. I don't want you touching me. Your very presence gives me anxiety and stress. I want to have sex, just not with you. There were so many more that it would take me a long while to type them here. But I think you get the point of where she has been in the past.
A few weeks ago she was moving into a seperate room inside our house. Yesterday at MC she said she didn't feel a need to do that.
She's still with me. She said a few weeks ago in MC that she wants to try to work on our M. Last weekend she kissed me and we made out on the couch.
She tells me ILY. She laughs with me. She likes my company. She said in MC that she feels pretty good and pretty happy. She said she feels like her personal space is coming back to her.
She contradicted most of what she said in the past few months by her actions. The words came later. Some words haven't come at all. But she also wavers - her fear comes to the surface and it shows. My consistency wears away that fear she has.
Words are just words. Think about that. Today you are pissed, tomorrow you feel different. If you express your feelings today you come out pissed off. If you express your feeling tomorrow, you aren't pissed off. Feelings come and go. Sometimes they come out in words at a certain time - it doesn't mean that feeling is constantly there. It just means that feeling was there in that moment.
Words come and go. Steady action stays.
If you change your actions and behaviors you will only reinforce her fear that the changes are not real.
If you remain steady in your actions and behaviors you will weaken that fear in her.
Your changes are real and must be consistent whether she stays or goes. Your changes are made because you want to be the person you have become regardless of who you are with. Look how her apparent change of words and actions feed into your fear that it will not last - now imagine what impact you would have if you change your words and your action.
Has the frequency of her saying 'nothing has changed' increased or decreased?
How about her friend telling you, "Keep doing what you are doing - you're doing just fine?"
No 2x4 here - just a reminder that words are shooting stars - they last a few seconds then fizzle out. Actions are the sun that rises and sets every day, the same way, and can be counted on.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
