Thanks Rachael, your words were just perfect as nightshade reflextions...!!... and yes, i will go to THAT SAME HOTEL... acting as if anything had happened there... bc yes, he knows i know he went there with OW...!!... stay in touch and finally, did yu remember what i told you about him getting sleep without saying by and me demanding him not to do that...?... so... now he always care about saying by with a kiss a hug or a simple word... so seing the actions, yes, he is trying hard to do the right things... andrea
Hi andrea, I"m in a hurry tonight - have a big translation to finish - but wanted to came by and see how you're doing. Glad to hear about the goodnight thing. And yes, actions, more than words are what help us gauge the situation. And it's always good when those actions are positive ones. Big hug to you nightshade
"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "
WOW ANDREA!!! Your asking for what you need in a way that he wants to give it to you. Thats's great! I know you will pull the hotel thing off and then you will have memories of you and him there. NOT OW. Forget her-remember, she's NOTHING compared to you. You are the one he wants and he is with. You are his wife. He wants to keep it that way. You have a great PMA and it is reflected in your posts to others. Keep posting- we NEED you!!! Rachael
Well, maybe i will disappoint some of you with this reflections of my own, my own life, my own feelings... this not relate with my h, at least at mayor part, but he is on my picture and maybe it is all about my sooner birthday, 39 birthday tomorrow. I dont know... All I know is that since some days I have been thinking about my life. I think I am a little bored with my life, so many rutine, maybe bc right now I dont have job, maybe bc right now I am sharing a lot with some old good good friends from school, some of them so filled professional, some of them living a passionate love (they are separate or divorce), and all this with my age I think is making a crisis on myself. I dont think my h has to be something in that, at least is not the primary cause, but yes, I think that all I had lived in the past bc him, had made me think now different and see the life with other eyes and mind. Sometimes I wish I could have a whole weekend for myself like I had it when we were separate, just to travel, do something on my own, or dedicate my time for some projects, but then I realize how lonely I had felt in the past, even I enjoy a lot that sole weekends, and I realize how much I enjoy being with my kids and dad, all together. Sometimes I think that maybe if I was alone, I will have more time for my projects or not to depend on anybody to decide some steps in my life, but hen I realize how gratificant is to decide and construct a live with someone else. Yesterday night I was thinking to ask my h to have a conversation and express him my feelings, that I wish he could be more passionate, more loving, that I want to feel more loved, but then I realize again that this will be terrible for both, bc is my crisis, bc he will think nothing he is doing is being value by me, and yes, he has been doing some efforts for our M. So, here I am, controlling myself, hoping that this crisis will pass, that I will be more glad to be with my h, that I will feel more loved and less bored with my rutine. Although I didnt speek abut this with my h, I demand him some things I hate, like caring more about my economic situation or being more communicative and affective, and he is responding to my demands... so, lets time pass, and see how I feel, maybe having a talk with my h more about my own feelings, and not calling him as the cause of this feelings, will be good in some days, I dont know See you around Andrea
Hi Andrea, I'm not surprised you are having these feelings at all! It's normal. You are having another birthday. That's good! Your still plenty young, but you feel life is passing you by in some respects-like passion. You also got very independent while your H was gone this last time. You had space to take care of just you. To do what you wanted when you wanted. I know a part of us enjoys that independence even when we long to reconcile with our S. I think you have to learn a balance of taking care of you and doing what you need to do with your family and H. Women tend to put everything they have into their M and family and little is left for themsleves. It sounds like your H is trying to meet your needs. Maybe you can talk to him about your need for passion, and come up with ways to step it up a notch in that direction. If you don't feel comfortable asking him for what you want, then start being more passionate yourself towards him and see how he reacts. You have friends that are having passionate relationships. You see it and long for it for yourself. I know what that's like. Take some time for yourself if you need it. It will give you time to think and reflect. Would your H be upset if you took a weekend away? Maybe getting a part time job will help you feel more fullfilled. Do whatever it is you need to do for yourself. You will have to meet your own needs-you know you can't look for someone else to do it. Still.....we want our S to be affectionate and loving. Everyone needs to feel loved. I think your H is trying Andrea. You said he was not raised in a very passionate family and you were. You will have to be patient with him, and you know you can guide him gently into being more passionate. I know you'll figure out what you need to do and pull it off wonderfully! Keep posting, and venting on here-it's a safe place. Rachael
Thanks Rachael por your answer and advices...!!... My mood hadnt improve yet...!!... actually i am so angry with my h actitude right now... Yesterday he leaned on me all his bad mood bc a problem with the VHS that cant record his Formula 1 VHS... so, i hate this, bc i hav nothing to do with this and he has to be more considerate with me... and today at morning, he ask me to let children to school, a thing he do everyday and that alter too much my mornings... and you know why..?... bc he has a gripe...!!... Who care about me, and help me last week when i felt sick too...!!... I hate all moves has to relate with his confort or help... What about me...?... Just bc i am not working i dont do anything... and how i can work if he doesnt help me or motivate me to look for something.. he never ask me how he can help me, or what i had done about looking for a job or an income that actually i am doing the effort...!!.. I hate feeling that everything in this home is all about him... So, to balance a little this post, let put some Positive actions of my h last days: 1- He was afective with me on my birthday. 2. He admire my dress that i wear on the party we went that day at night. stay around... i dont know what to do.. i hate still doing the same things between us...i hate still feeling myself as a second priority in my home... i hate he didnt value what i do at home... i hate he still reacts against me when his mood is altered...!!.. andrea
Andrea- your H sounds so much like mine. In my H's case, his clinical depression would show itself as anger and impatience with the kids, how I kept the house, me not being back to work yet. I spent way too much time reacting to his bad moods. Now I know I need to be proactive instead - try to let my GOOD mood bring him up, instead of letting his BAD mood bring me down. (Him going back on the antidepressants helped a lot too! ).
I know what it is like to be trapped in that situation - you need more help with the kids and house in order to find time to get back to work, but H feels like he shouldn't have to do any of that stuff because you're "not working".
Try changing your routine at home so that he doesn't feel so much like you're slipping back into the "old" relationship. And maybe talk more with him about your ideas or plans for working - he might feel better if he knew you were thinking about it. What kind of work have you done in the past? What kind of ideas do you have of things you'd like to do now? Are your kids old enough to start taking over more of the household chores? Don't expect your H to - he's too overwhelmed right now, with his depression and work etc.
first thanks Kml for your words... Actually my M situation isnt the best... We talke only the necessary and i am feeling the same as the last days... why..?... bc i am enhaustive telling my h again again the same stuff... Why you didnt care about me and give me money?... and he aswering me... you can ask me money...!!... I dont want tobe like that... please give me this bc i need to buy that, please give me that bc i need tobuy this... etc etc.. i hate that, and mostly bc i feel he can be considerate and caring asking me if i need money or not... as he can be considerate asking me if i dont have problem letting the children to school if he cant.. or if i want to see any tv program... or... or... resuming... just being considerate and caring about me...!!!!.... So, i dont know how to break this cicle... i dont know if asking him to talk will be a good idea... i dont know...!!.. so, this is my situation, by the other way i am working hard in some proyects that can means some money for us... i will appreciate any comment andrea
so seing the actions, yes, he is trying hard to do the right things...
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