Honestly, I can't remember how long my h was gone. I know it seemed like forever. Yes, you do have me beat. You know as well as I do that everyone is different. I hope and pray that your h is getting close!
I think it is not just the time - it is the circumstances. Like for example, my wife has the house and is living rent free, but reality is about to arrive. The house will sell, she needs to rent a place, she needs money to do it. Now what?
The fact that she has been able to live like this - no consequences, no lifestyle change - for 18 months is tragic. But it will end. And I predict big changes in her attitude (one way or the other) when that happens, when reality catches up with her.
When reality hits she will probably step back and do some deep thinking. At least that is what happened in my case. When my h thought he was going to loose me for good, he did just that. He went into hiding for a while and started contacting me again.
I know how you feel about the consequences. My h did face any either until I finally put my foot down and told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted and I was done playing games with him. It is hard to do because you don't know what their reation will be.
When reality hits she will probably step back and do some deep thinking. At least that is what happened in my case. When my h thought he was going to loose me for good, he did just that. He went into hiding for a while and started contacting me again.
So many people tell me that. It makes sense to me. or maybe it's just the last strand of hope I can hold onto!
It's not so hard for me to "do", because (a) I am not doing much - it is the reality of the divorce that she is pursuing. and (b), I am soooooo ready to have a regular life. One without deceipt and financial disaster because of it. One without my best friend in bed with my wife.
I've been thinking - what if she would come to me tomorrow in tears and apologize and say "I don't know where I will live" etc etc. What would I do? And I'm not sure... of course I would want to bring her into my home, but there'd be some requirements.
Anyway getting back to the point. . . 18 months in one situation is not the same as 18 months in another, because of the timing of circumstances and when each person "puts their foot down".
I tried to do what I could to move things along faster, but I could not. But naturally things are happening. Reality is dawning. We'll see.
You are so right that each sitch is different and people react differently. Some are fast movers and others are slow, then those that never get it.
I often wondered if I would take my h back. I had to learn to forgive him first and finally move past it. We don't talk about it(A) anymore. It is behind us, thank God.
I think you found out that things have to go at there own pace no matter how hard we try to get them moving faster. I too tried that and it just sent my h reeling backwards. Once I took all of the pressure off is when I started to see him inching so slowly towards me. Of course, that was my sitch.
Tomorrow I will be leaving for Colorado to visit my family. We weren't going to go but after talking to my sister I think we should go because of the health of my parents. My dads surgery hasn't been scheduled yet and my mother isn't strong enough to take care of my dad when he has it.
I don't want to regret not seeing them before anything happens to them. That is what sent my h head first into MLC when his mother died suddenly and it had been years since he saw her. God knows we don't need another MLCer in this family!!!!
YR, Travel safely. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hope and pray that your h is getting close!
