After a week of 'going dark', a few odd developments.
The other night (maybe Thurs ?), W called from work and wanted to come by to say goodnight to D6 and see her cat.
She rarely calls to say goodnight to D when D is staying w/me, much less has she ever come over here at night to say goodnight to D.
She didn't interact w/me much. I've been sick with a cold and I felt rather tired and subdued myself. She did look at me and asked me how I felt. After goodnights to D, she left the room. I said goodnight to her and she replied with the same.
Well, fast forward to Fri. night. I had spent the night at my parents watching over my grandmother (95 yo.!) while they were out of town. I was still sick and had a so so evening, feeling very lonely for my family, wanting to call W and tell her how much I miss her. But I've been going dark, so none of that. I spent my time watching tv or on this website.
This morning it was perfect weather and I went for a walk and came back to clean up, etc. Decided I was not feeling great yet, so I did not call W to see about taking D out, as we had previously discussed. The plan as I understood it was to p/u D at 5:00, but was supposed to call to verify whether she would eat dinner or not w/wife.
Phone was not working b/c I have a new one and have been trying to activate it. Wasn't able to so I could not call W. I went a little early to p/u D.
Turns out W had been trying to reach me all day so she could 'make plans' and was very upset.
Said she had left a very upbeat message (which I listened to later, it was really nice: unusual for her lately as she has been a real b****h.
W seemed absolutely miserable. She confided to me that after 7 years (our whole marriage) her sexuality had come roaring back and she is desperate for sex, but not attracted to me. At the same time, she did not want to 'sleep around'. She said she felt like it was a cruel joke that God had played on her.
I indicated my regrets for our difficulty w/sex and my lack of knowledge and skill at the time. I said I had learned a lot about what I could have done differently.
She countered that I hadn't, and I said she would never know, which she agreed.
She said I still did not know the things to do to meet her needs. Odd thing to say, don't you think ? Why would she care if I did or didn't ? I said I have been giving her space, because she seemed to want that.
During this whole time I did not get angry or feel personally rejected. I hurt for her and told her I wished I could go back and do things differently.
Though this painful conversation had no satisfying end, I found it peculiar that she should confide this struggle to me.
And I feel somewhat at peace in a strange way.
After all, she had called and made a point of being cheerful and lighthearted. She had gotten very upset at not being able to reach me all day.
She had confided very intimate struggles to me. I doubt she has shared this with anyone else.
Somehow I feel something is happening.
Anybody have any thoughts about this ?
Am I compeletly missing the whole point ? I think I should continue to go dark.
Actually disinvited myself to a dinner Sun. night w/her extended family to continue to give space to a very agitated W.
Wonder if she will wish I were there.....her feelings seem to be really churning.....
Edited by native (Yesterday at 08:03 PM) _________________________ Me 47 W 32 D 6 Known each other 10 yrs. M 7 Bomb dropped 4/08 Seperated 8/10/08
'Is it getting better, or do you feel the same ? Will it make it easier on you, now you've got someone to blame ?'
Bono, U2 'One'
Last edited by native; 10/05/0803:04 PM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
