Well, maybe i will disappoint some of you with this reflections of my own, my own life, my own feelings... this not relate with my h, at least at mayor part, but he is on my picture and maybe it is all about my sooner birthday, 39 birthday tomorrow. I dont know... All I know is that since some days I have been thinking about my life. I think I am a little bored with my life, so many rutine, maybe bc right now I dont have job, maybe bc right now I am sharing a lot with some old good good friends from school, some of them so filled professional, some of them living a passionate love (they are separate or divorce), and all this with my age I think is making a crisis on myself. I dont think my h has to be something in that, at least is not the primary cause, but yes, I think that all I had lived in the past bc him, had made me think now different and see the life with other eyes and mind. Sometimes I wish I could have a whole weekend for myself like I had it when we were separate, just to travel, do something on my own, or dedicate my time for some projects, but then I realize how lonely I had felt in the past, even I enjoy a lot that sole weekends, and I realize how much I enjoy being with my kids and dad, all together. Sometimes I think that maybe if I was alone, I will have more time for my projects or not to depend on anybody to decide some steps in my life, but hen I realize how gratificant is to decide and construct a live with someone else. Yesterday night I was thinking to ask my h to have a conversation and express him my feelings, that I wish he could be more passionate, more loving, that I want to feel more loved, but then I realize again that this will be terrible for both, bc is my crisis, bc he will think nothing he is doing is being value by me, and yes, he has been doing some efforts for our M. So, here I am, controlling myself, hoping that this crisis will pass, that I will be more glad to be with my h, that I will feel more loved and less bored with my rutine. Although I didnt speek abut this with my h, I demand him some things I hate, like caring more about my economic situation or being more communicative and affective, and he is responding to my demands... so, lets time pass, and see how I feel, maybe having a talk with my h more about my own feelings, and not calling him as the cause of this feelings, will be good in some days, I dont know See you around Andrea
