I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

So I broke my usual "no initiating contact rule" except for business/holiday/birthday today for the first time in a long time, and sent H a very short email. I have been feeling closer to him lately, so thought I'd test the waters a tiny bit before getting to Dublin tomorrow. It was completely innocent and short. I don't expect a response, but I do hope that it brought a smile to his face. I am trying to get myself into the position where I feel more comfortable about tomorrow too...

Subject line: hi silly billy (nickname we use and I still use in IMs so non-threatening)
Body:

Just saying hi. I hope you are having a really good day,

ITH

Hope that email was fine. It's in line with some of the contact he's been making lately, so I don't think it would do any harm, though it might well get ignored :).

I have a personal trainer session this evening, then I am going to try to spend the rest of the day getting myself to a really happy place so that I can arrive in Dublin tomorrow stress free. I had another anxious night, and I think that the issue has been that I am focusing overly much on the things that I don't want to happen, rather than the things that I hope WILL happen. I know we are not meant to have expectations, but I do think that it is still OK to focus on general positives.

So you all know how I am about goals, here are a few for tomorrow...

*Sex!!! :)--initiated by H, but I will encourage by dressing appropriately!
*Hug/kiss initiated by H (I will not initiate, will keep distance)
*H sleeping in the same bed (I will be in the master bed before he gets home, so it will be his choice)
*At least 1 hour of sitting in the same room comfortably whether talking or not
*Me making an amazing dinner (I love to cook) and leaving extra for H--and him complimenting the meal later
*Us to laugh together at least once
*Him to make eye contact with me
*Physical affection like him grabbing my nose etc. (little things he usually does)
*One affectionate/nice nickname use

So all I can do for most of these things is to hang back and take his lead. I think by being as pleasant and happy as possible, I stand the best chance of meeting these goals. The dinner is the one that I can control more. I am SO excited to cook with non-Polish ingredients...

ITH