Your post really resonated with me, so I had to pop in here.
It is so funny-- My experiences have been similar, even up to the realization factor. It was yesterday for me that it hit me like a ton of bricks that I am not angry any more. Not only at my Ex, but in general, really. I used to get so upset and over the top with things... frustration turned to yelling in 10 seconds flat for me. Of all things, I was watching a repeat of "Wife Swap" and I heard the kids from one of the families describe their mother much as my own kids would have described me. Cagz, I sat there and cried for so long. In fact, I cried off and on all day. But, there..its over. Because that is not me anymore.
My second son came home from college this weekend as a surprise. I heard him and my youngest talking about me and all that I do for them. I could hear the love and pride in their voices. It wasn't about me doing the laundry or baking their favorite foods...it was the idea that they can count on me that they were talking about. And, my middle son told his brother that one of his friends told him that day how lucky he is.
So, there you have it. A positive in all of this. I am a better mom and better person since my h decided to bail. I finally have good reason to be really pissed, and nope, I am not angry. Sure, I am sad for so many reasons, and I wish like anything that I could take away the anger from the past, but...like you said, "it takes two," and I will not throw aside my X's role in all of this. No, I am not blaming him...but I do see clearly that I needed something from him that he just could not provide.
So, there you have it.
I was so pleased to read this post from you. I think we are traveling on the same path. And, just like you, my relationship with my kids has benefitted enormously.
Now, if my X would just leave me alone...well, maybe I could move on! But, that's a whole other story!
Have a wonderful fall day, Cagz! I am sooooo impressed with how far you have come in such a short amount of time.
