H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Dawn,

First of all, I want to tell you thanks for all your help on my thread. You have been hugely influential in helping me cope and navigate my life this past year and understand where my ex may have been 'coming from'. What you said above, "I am still not convinced that my life is more of a benefit to the world than a drain on it, but I am willing to give it the benefit of the doubt for the time being"... I have to disagree! You have been a huge benefit to me, you have given me understanding, peace of mind, clarity and real compassion at times when I really needed it. Maybe you dont voice these thoughts in RL, maybe this is a place you feel safe to be honest, but I want you to know, without a shadow of doubt, that you may well 'just' be a stranger in cyber space, but you have touched me. You have really helped me at times and been a real positive force and thats no small thing. I am just a person in cyber space too, so if I feel this way, I can only imagine that your friends, family, colleagues etc feel that even stronger.

You are an amazing, insightful, thoughtful, caring woman and I have been grateful for your support....

Ok.. on to your H. I totally empathise with what you said about what am I doing wrong, I am DBing well, but getting no results?? I guess I felt the same all along and the reason was, because he was infatuated/obsessed/in love with another woman. And from what I gather, that often means nothing changes, no matter what you do. I remember feeling that I couldnt 'see' my bf (eventhough I still lived with him) during my EA... and at the bomb, when I went back over this old ground, crying, pleading, apologising (and of course he was resolute, made no difference!) but he muttered to himself "like I was a ghost...." - I remember clearly, it was one of the many many comments I have logged in my brain over the past year that seemed odd (I cant believe how stupid I have been!). Anyway, the point being, he was in the grip of ow when he dumped me I now realise and that was him voicing how he felt.. I was a ghost to him. Like I was there, but transparent, he couldnt see me, he was looking right through me.

I dont know if that helps, at all, but in a way, what can you do whilst the PA is raging on? I think, like my ex, your H is being pretty cruel and selfish and self-serving, but that is how they all behave, because they cant see past their noses, or the ow's nose. I dont think you will be near reconciliation until either the A burns out, or he finally makes a decision thats healthy for all three of you, as this current sitch obviously isnt.

Love Al xxxxx