God give me the patience and the strength...7

[theotherhalf]

Last night was homecoming. Got home from work late. H called to see what time we had to go to stuff. I told him we didn't as D17 didn't get picked. "oh, okay". I thought he'd want to see the girls dressed all up for the night but obviously not. Didn't mention it to him either. Don't really know what he did. Didn't matter. (for once). I spent the evening alone, at home, watching TV and dozing on the couch. Did shed a few tears but not too bad.

H came early this morning. I was cleaning house. Did not really expect to see him much this weekend at all. He asked if I wanted to go with him to get the grain truck. "or if you got something else going on it can wait". I told him no, I'd go. I really didn't have anything to do anyway. We went and did that then went to bring combine and head home. That pretty much took the day. H was in a pretty good mood. He is so much like his old self anymore it is so hard to keep detached from him. But I am. In a way I think that I seem to have a attitude with him. I think its my gaurd being up. Can't help it. I am civil but am not laying down anymore. He gives me [censored], I give it right back.

Later in the day we had H's great nieces b-day party. We were both there but both kept our distance from the other. So unlike the way we are here or at his place. It's so weird. It's like we play the part in public so well. But alone, it's different...

Tonight H's nephew fought in town. (like NFC). I have not seen him fight yet. Wanted to go but H had laid the guilt trip on me last week. He said he was not going because couldn't afford it. I thought about it all day. Everyone asked if I was going. Except H. Last minute. I decided you know what. He goes out does what ever. He drinks pretty regularly, that is not cheap. What do I do? If I stay home, I'll be miserable. So I went. H went too. Nephew gave him a ticket. I bought mine. We sat together with the rest of the family. Had a good time. We spoke but again we put on the show. Nephew won and I was so glad I went.

Afterwards I just up and left. Said nothing to H. I wanted to so badly go up to BIL's as that's where most were going and H probably went there too. But nope. I turned my car for home. I did send H a TM saying..."I'm glad I went. What a kid!!". He did not return one. That's okay. I only sent it to share with him how proud I was of Nephew. And I had noticed after the fight that H had tears in his eyes. (H used to be a boxer so this kid is after his heart).

And so... I DB my ars off today. For H? Well maybe a little. But mostly for me. I have to. I have to accept this damb choice he's made. And for today, I'm okay...