For the Guy with Kids and a WW XV

[hopeful4her]

I just did some snooping on the wifes yahoo. She has been a member of Tagged for a few months before she moved out. I noticed that she had a couple comments from OM on the site. I checked it.



"hey clarrisa i know that u are screwing around with my husband tom. got your number lady"


And then,


"clarrisa I know everything u have been trying with my husband i appriciate it if u leave him be.......... I know it all he confessed to me already. I love my husband but you r supose tobe married and with children. what kind of woman r u. if u wish to talk to me my # is XXXXXXXX.......I know where u both havebeen going to as well. oh and i forgot to let you know about your birthday........................billie "


These were back on the 21st of September. Something is up.

I have now have his wifes cell number. I have done a lot of research on him. I knew her name. I know their address. I know the home phone number. I called it once and she answered and then gave him the phone. I just hung up to mess with him.

The wife has accused me of speaking to his wife. It was on the Sunday we sat in front of the sweet bread store. She had spent the night at her mothers house.

I told her that I had NEVER spoken to her except for the time that I just told ya'll about. I told her that if OM was telling her this or if SHE was saying this, they are both liars.

She had told me that they were separated and that she was at the house at the instance because she had an operation on her foot and needed a place to stay.

I thought to myself, "Either that is what you are being told or the story you are giving me. They are both F'ing lame."

She was telling me sometime before that they were getting divorced blah blah.

I decided to snoop because I was considering sending her an email letting her know how I felt and let her know about my realization about not showing her my passion. She told me that she hardly checks her yahoo anymore, but it looks like she cleaned it up recently. She just gets emails in. It looks like she has not sent any except for a recent house listing. She responded that it was a beautiful and someday she will be able to afford it for herself and the kids. Looks like it was earlier this week.

She has never figured out that I have her yahoo set to save her sent messages. And she doesn't know that she has to delete them from the sent file.

I am so tempted to call the woman. I know it would start a hell storm unless I can convince her to not tell her H about the contact. Let her know how I feel about my wife, too.

Don't know. Interesting comment about her B'day, too.

I think I will either still send the email or give her a letter or do it in person.

Still debating if I should at all or not.

Gonna go do some lawn work. Check in later.

[karen43]

I am so tempted to call the woman. I know it would start a hell storm unless I can convince her to not tell her H about the contact. Let her know how I feel about my wife, too.

What's your purpose in that? Will it help you in anyway achieve a goal? It sounds like she's already as aware as you about the sitch. I think your W would probably get upset, although of course who cares right? I've never been tempted to call OW's XH even when they were married. I just want to take the high road, try to stay out of the drama, etc., but I know my sitch is different than yours. Karen

[hopeful4her]

I guess it would be to try to help break up the affair.

Sounds like she is trying to keep her marriage, too. I was under the impression from the wife that they were separated. His wife sent the Tagged message from his profile. She knows his stuff secretly or he confessed everything and showed her everything. Just not sure. I also noticed that a week before those messages, she got another email from his work. It was just a blank reply to an email they kept replying to each other last February, just before Valentines day. The day I really did it up.

There no words in the reply, just the stuff they were replying to each other back then. At one point,she put "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU AND I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought it was strange that she got the email sent back to her.

Now I'm thinking that OM's wife has access to his work email and shot it to her to mess with her.

You would think she would have said something in it, though.

I don't know. Maybe its time to turn up the heat a bit. More of what I've been trying to do.

I think I was a bit confusing in my last post. I meant that I was still thinking of sending my wife an email about my feelings. That or do it in person. Thats what I'm debating.

Last night, I never made it to the apartment. D11 hurt my feelings. I had emailed the wife at about 2pm asking if it was ok to visit. I told her I missed them. She sent back that that would be fine. S14 was going to the movies with his dad, so they might be alone. When I called D11, she was at a friends apartment. I asked why. She said that S14 called her and that he wanted her and D6 to go to HIS friends apartment to ask for ANOTHER friends phone number. He told D11 not to tell me or thier mom. She told me not to say anything to him because he might not trust her anymore. I told her that he IS in trouble and should not be making her do things like that and warning her not to tell us. I told them to both get back to the apartment.

I tell her, "Now, I'm going to come by after work to visit ya'll. Maybe I can take the two of you to get a video to watch or something."
"But were supposed to do something with momma tonight."
"Thats fine. I was just wanting to see ya'll. I miss both of you."
"But were going to see you on Sunday anyway, right?"
"You don't want to see me?"
"Yes. But were going on Sunday. We have to spend time with mom too. I think I'm just having a bad day. Too many questions."
"WHAT questions? I just told you I was going to visit. Not take you for the rest of the night. Thats fine. I'll just see you on Sunday. Bye."
"Bye."

I couldn't believe it. She made me so upset, I teared up. I had made arrangements to pick up the girls on Saturday, since the wife is working. A coworkers B'day. Now, not sure. I went to video store to pick up a video to watch. Just as I get out, B calls me. Her and K are meeting for a drink and I have to go meet them. I agree. I picked up "88 Minutes" and joined them for a several drinks and a bite to eat. We had some good laughs and then we headed home.

Alone.

I watched some tv and fell asleep. Never got a call from the girls last night. This morning, I finally call the girls and talk to S14. I didn't mention him getting in trouble yet. I did mention about maybe picking up the girls later, and asked if his mom said anything. He said no. They were all outside skating in an outside plaza at the complex. I told him I'll call after I cut the lawn. He said he was wanting to go to the mall.

I cut the lawn, did some laundry and ate some lunch. Making up the bed, the wife calls me.

"Hey."
"Hey"
"Miguel said that you were going to pick up the girls?"
"Yeah, but the b'day party got cancelled so I might just pick them up to see them or something.
"Well, I talked to Miguel and he said that he was wanting to go to the mall and I told him he had to wait till I got off. He mentioned you were picking up the girls. It was the first I had heard of it."
"I told you on Tuesday when we were having dinner. You told me you were working the next two Saturdays and I asked if I could take them to a party since you were working."
"I don't remember."
"I swear I asked you."
"I don't know what's going on with me."

We talk a little more and then I tell her about the incident yesterday with S14. She said that she talked to him yesterday, because he called her wanting the phone number to the apartment to talk to the girls. He told her what he was going to do. She told him NOT to do that to the girls when they are alone.

I told, "Well, he did it anyway and told them not to tell us."
"Oh, I'll take care of that."
"Okay."
"Look, I have to take a member. Let me call you later, okay?"
"okay."

I don't think that S14 is going to the mall after all. I'll go visit the girls and then make myself available to have dinner with them or maybe go skating or something and invite the wife along. Probably dinner and maybe a movie. Play it by ear.

Hey dub, you can send me a text at around 7pm.

[whatdidido]

You bet. Just for the record, I am not sending a message to make your wife think you have another lady on the side. I want her to know that you are not just moping around waiting on her butt; you are out having fun, connecting with people, etc. This is more attractive to her. If she thinks that it is another lady, she's right...it's your buddy, Dub, sending a joke your way. If she was out of the fog, it could be HER sending you that joke.

Ok, now I have to make sure I remember to do it at 7:00. I'll set my phone alarm to remind me. Make sure you have fb mobile on.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks, dub.

Record set straight.

Went to spend time with the girls. S14 left not too long after to go to the La Cantera mall. Beautiful outdoor mall. Upscale and a beautiful day today to spend outside. I decided to take the girls also. S14 made sure to let me know that if we were going too, could I bring him $10. I agreed. We just couldn't hang around him.

Teens.

I ended up sending the wife a text around 4:30 as we left:

"Taking the girls to walk around LaCantera, too. Amanda wants to eat at China Sea if ya'll dont have set plans. Your more than welcome to join in."

We get to the mall, walk around and look at all the expensive crap. Meet up with S14 and his buddy. I meant to only give him $10, but he took the whole $20. Punk.

D11 is getting hungry and D6, already tired but she had enough strength to spend 30 minutes in Libby Lu. Hate that place.

Walk around some more and the wife texts back:

"Just got off work. Have fun."

Okay. No plans? I can take 'em? Not going to join?

D11 asks about the text. I tell her that it sounds like mom is not going to make it. I told D11 to respond to her. She sent:

"Momma, can we eat with you and daddy?"

She called right back. I let D11 answer. I could here part of the convo. D11 asking if she wants to eat with us. Wife saying she is almost at the apartment. Back and forth stuff. Then D11 asks if I want to pick her up or meet her. I tell her to tell her mom it doesn't matter. Either way. I hear them back and forth again. I make the decision to tell her to stay at the apartment and I'll pick her up after a while.

D11 says, "She's nuts." I had to laugh and agreed with her.

We leave. We had a good time for such a short time. I go pick up the wife. She is still in her Credit Union polo. She looks awfully beat. On the way, she is yawning several times. I have to tell her to stop. We chit chat about a few things on the way. All of us. It was of course, nice. Family time.

At the restaurant, I leave my keys on the table and the wife picks them up and gives them to me.
"Lots of stealing going on" she tells me.

At the buffet, helping D6 a little. The wife behind me, my cell announces "MESSAGE RECEIVED!". It was in my back pocket. I pull it out and look.

Cute, dub.

I chuckle. She walks around to another side and I try to hide that I'm responding. On purpose of course. She saw me end up responding and then sliding my phone closed and grinning. I grab my food and have D6's soup. The wife and I end up at the soup part together. She asks if I want some soup. I tell her yes. I hand her a cup and start to fill mine while she is filling hers with those crunchy noodles. I tell her slide her cup to me. I start to fill hers.

"Wait, you just want the liquid, right?"
"Yes. Thanks."
I fill her cup. I then hand her a spoon. The attempts to take my cup of soup for me. I gentley take it from her and put mine and D6's in one hand. She was going to do the same with mine and hers.

Walking back to the table, my phone gets a message again. I take it out, check the message. The wife is following me. I take the phone out of my back pocket again, look at it and close it with a smile. She sees me.

Thanks again, dub.

We sit and eat and we are having as good a time as we used to have. I catch her keep having distant looks into nowhere. Later, she gets up for more food. I start to text dub back about what happened and the look oh her face priceless. Before I can hit send, the wife is back. I act a little startled and close my phone without sending and then try to play it off by using it to take a pic of D6.

It was funny.

We had a good time. I'm at the front desk paying and she is off to the side with the girls. Her phone is ringing. I see her checking and ignoring. We go outside and look at the outside pond as we usually do. We compare fortunes. Nothing mind blowing. Get in the car, her phone rings again. She has it turned so I cant see it and she hits ignore again. On the road, one more time. Last call and she answers it. Its S14. He has a ride. She is pretty quiet on the ride home. Window open, girls singing the Jonas Brother, I have my music on. "Best of .38 Special", baby. I try to have little conversations with her. It was always a pet peave of hers for us to not talk in the car. It bugged the crap out of her. She is looking out the side.

Thinking about what? Who knows?

D6 mentions something about the wife promising her to look at a Halloween place.

"We can always go tomorrow."
"But we can't. We are going with daddy tomorrow."
"Your not going early. We have time tomorrow. Your going with him later."

I guess I'm not getting them for church. We talk about how D6 wants her Bday party at the apartment. A halloween dress up party next weekend. I tell the wife about my mothers and grandmothers bday tomorrow and getting together for them at about 2pm.
"And you want the girls to go?"
"Yes."
"Thats fine."

Earlier, on the way to the restaurant, she lets me know that she can keep the girls until Tuesday, if I want. I ask why. She tells me since I had them this week till Tuesday. If I need to do anything. I say no. It's fine. I'll keep them.

As if.

Back at the apartment, get off to give big hugs and kisses. First D6 then D11. D11 and I are playing around and she is hanging on me. Play kissing like dorks. The wife has to say,

"Come on. Your gonna see your dad tomorrow."

She tells me thank you. I tell her she is welcome. She says that they are going to watch the video that is left and that she is going to fall asleep during it. I was going to try to worm my way in and maybe find a way to have my little discussion with her, but she is way too tired. It's going to have to be some other time. Maybe I just need to send it by email.

Earlier in the apartment, I was looking at the digital camera. I find one pic of OM's face. Like at a store. Its time dated 9-27. Last Saturday. The night she called me all upset about her father and asking me to keep the girls. She had told me that she went to the grocery store that night. She told me she would call the girls back that night after she calmed down. She never called. Remember on Sunday, we took breakfast. She ended up telling how she had took her meds again and threw up a lot after she got back from the store. I noticed dishes in the sink and the dirty pans. He must HAVE been there on that Saturday night. I had suspected it. My gut feelings again.

Good for them.

After I left the apartment tonight, I made sure to leave toward the opposite exit. She could see which way I went. Not going the way to go home.

But I went home.

[kat727]

Well that seems to have got her thinking. Keep it up, you are doing so much better.

kat

[hopeful4her]

I just hope I don't run out of gas before I can reach my destination, kat.

Life just keeps looking better on the other side, you know. I keep trying.

[InLikeFlynn]

Its a dangerous game playing the I got a text/call on my cell phone....I wonder if its a girlfriend game. You don't want her to think well he has moved on...I was thinking of trying again but since it appears he has a GF, then I will stay with OM. I wouldn't keep doing it, you got her reaction and made your point. She will chew on that or spit it out.

You guys seem to be dancing the dance but it may be time to put that finger up and find out where you and/or the OM stand with your wife. If its not good then have a plan on how to react or change your relationship with her.

She has to realize this family time cannot continue without the OM gone. Is she having the best of both worlds? Or is the OM really on the sidelines.

If she still wants out, then a sudden change in family time and the reaction of the kids should have a interesting effect on her.

[hopeful4her]

I did have the same thoughts. Like dub said, I just want her to know that I'm not just sitting around waiting for her. I am living a life again. I told her the same a few weeks ago. She has to know my feelings for her.

How would you define "taking that temperature"? What actions?

I would have to say that my gut tells me that right now, it is the best of both worlds. I realize that. I'm temporarily trying to make her realize things more. After she moved out, I would barely acknowledge her when I picked up the girls. I felt her trying, but I resisted. Then I would give a smidge, then something would take it right back. Usually involving the OM.

I just wasn't sure how long I was going to keep this going. 2 or 3 weeks maybe. Then pull back again. A few weeks ago, she made a very jealous type of comment that got me thinking about changing my approach to her. Her, "...and who might THAT be?" comment when I alluded to a female that wanted a puppy.

We don't have any R talks. No sharing of feelings. Problem is, I don't want anything left unsaid on my part. I don't think that I can screw it up anymore than what it is already. I want to make sure she knows the things that I have realized. If the path doesn't change, then that is her decision. If we divorce, I won't be thinking, "I should have let her know that...."

I don't know.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Not sure I have much to offer right now. Our drama certainly seems to be never ending. I will say that I can understand your feelings of wanting nothing left unsaid. I struggle with that, even when W is ripping up one side of me and down the other (although it is much easier to shut-up at that point).

All we can do, I think, is take it one day at a time. As kat said to me, slow and steady... and then who knows what might happen.

You two are talking - did you ever revisit Retro?