wow a lockout.

[Gman3388]

More of the same....
Lately she has been moody.Yesterday she made dinner for her out of town family. It was a great dinner.
I got home a little late from the gym and it had looked as if she was crying. Her eyes were puffy and she was giving me short angry answers. She informed me that our house phone was shut off due to lack of payment. I called the Phone co. and figured out the total bill. I cant pay everything all at once and she knows this.
We had some bad interaction and I apologized but I wasn't in a great mood either. Earlier in the day she was fine but the later it seemed as though the kids and I were the target of her anger.
The dinner went fine and the guests left with the exception of BIL who spent the night.
She returned to her chilly state but did go to bed beside me.
I'm still wondering if I should confront her about last weekend or let it go.

[SirPrizeMe]

Gman, I wouldn't tolerate it.
By continuing to deceive you, she is eating away at trust, she is hurting herself too! It's not healthy. For you, or for her. or for the relationship.

Yes - It is not healthy for people to deceive those who are close to them, nor is it healthy for those who are deceived. IT is not healthy for the kids. And the more deceipt, and the longer it goes, the more difficult it will be to resuscitate the relationship.

How did you "confirm" it was OM?

Are you sure?

----

Listen I know this hurts and it's not what you want. What I did was say, "Look, this is not a marriage I want anymore. I want you, but not if you're with him. If you want OM, that is your decision. In that case we need to sell the house, split up."

For me, it is non-negotiable.

ps: she was not crying about the phone bill. My wife did this regularly as she was conducting her affair. She'd blow up about some small household issue. the phone, or the vaccuum, or whatever. But those things weren't the reason she was upset. She was crying and upset because she was destroying the family and she knew it. but she couldn't stop.

[Gman3388]

Hi Sir and thank you.
I was told by a few trusted people in the neighborhood.
Am I 110% sure it was OM.. I was told it was.
I know the lies are growing. She is also deceiving her family.
I cant say who. I know her world will someday crash.
Will I be there? I don't know. I have to watch out for the kids first and foremost. Ive stopped trying to figure out why her DP"s are still on her desk and not filled out.
Maybe I'm just a car payment to her.
Ive been told not to gather facts and such to use against her but just to work on me. To DB and put my faith in God which I have.
But of course I find stuff out even when I don't ask. My sources want me to know because they think its unfair for me and the kids. Yes I trust these sources too. So I falter and begin to have my doubts.
Stop this damn ride...we want to get off!

[SirPrizeMe]

I totally know what you mean by "Stop this damn ride".
While I was still in the house with my wife, and she was being unfaithful, I had this dream: I was in the car, everything was dark, the windows were fogged, the brakes weren't working. My wife was next to me in the passenger seat, my kids were in the back. the car was racing along backwards in the dark, and I was trying to steer, trying to see, pumping the brakes, and nothing I did was stopping the car. It was totally out of control, and I was in fear of a crash, and I was so upset that nothing I did was making any difference.

Sound familiar?

If it were me I would bring it up. "The neighbors are concerned..." You'd have to be super gentle. But firm.

This is just me, though. I would not tolerate that, ever.
And, who the hell wants to be married to a sucker? With every time she deceives you, she loses respect for you. If there is any hope in salvaging this, you have to draw a line.
(This is just me)

[Gman3388]

Sir,
Yikes hit the emergency break next time.
I'm still torn Bro...I want to say something but I keep thinking its her ride.
Its a good idea but she would see right through that one she doesn't give a hoot about most of the neighbors.
Through my actions and words I think she knows I know.
I pray to God everyday for his guidance.
On another note Ive started to look at homes since the one we are in is starting to get too small. Id love to get one and be able to say this is our new house....

[SirPrizeMe]

Gman, I would be careful there.
I did that - bought a new home after I knew she had been unfaithful. Later she continued. She alleged I was abusive, changed the locks and got me barred from the house.
Now we face forclosure because I cannot afford her house and my new rental on my salary.

I would be careful about making big new commitments while things are in this state with your wife.

I hear the optimism in your words but that doesn't make a marriage. You need joint commitment.

[Gman3388]

Understood Sir.
The rest of that would come with a get your head out of your butt speech too.
Just a little more gracefully put.

[SirPrizeMe]

Ahh, just trying to share my experiences, mate! No judgment from me!

I see a little of myself in you - optimistic, good-hearted. But that doesn't make a marriage. be careful!

On the other hand, what the hell? What does it matter, really? Money is just money. I will make more. I have lost so much money in this "situation" it's not even funny. But I will make more. I'm not really focused on the money. Never was. Maybe if I had to do it over again, I would do the same thing - biy a big house and hope and trust that she would be "with me" in the commitment. yeah, I probably would do that. For better or worse.

[Gman3388]

Hey Sir I ment no ill will with that comment. Im sorry if I sounded that way.

[SirPrizeMe]

of course! no offense taken. ever!